ʃɌαʂɧȊƉ - ɍβѦƔ!™

Moved.

2010-12-25T01:19:00.001+08:00

Moved,till unknown.

http://justmerashid.livejournal.com/

Work at Suntec Convention

2010-12-14T21:29:00.010+08:00

Gerald,Nitro,Me.

I've been very busy lately.Too caught up in work these few days.

Work is so tiring. It was undeniably boring at times,standing at a particular spot for hours,doing nothing and stoning away. It makes me think about a lot of stuff instead,which led to me being depressed at times.

At times,on the bus ride back from Bedok Interchange after work,I was so tired that I eventually came to a breaking point.I wanted to break down and just let go of everything.At times,I started to miss a few people but I didn't talk to them,cause' I was just so tired.I don't know why but I assumed I was in a terrible phase then. I was hoping for days to pass by faster.i was feeling low every second,every minute and every hour.

However,I really have nice people there! At first sight,the security officers looked menacing and threatening. However,they are actually nice,friendly & approachable people.A side that some others won't probably get to witness :) The other day,one of them gave me strawberry mints! Plus,while I was guarding the main entrance,one of them talked to me to ease my boredom away. He talked about his life actually and about how he regretted not studying well in his earlier years. I thought he's a Malay but I was surprised when he spoke Chinese. I told him about it and he questioned me "Does that make you a Bangla?" I laughed.

Besides guarding,I was tasked to actually unload the orange trolleys there and by standing at the main entrance,I get a lot of questions from customers,mostly on directions to redemption counter,cashier counters,lucky draw drop-offs etc.I even help to deliver customers' goods down to carpark lift etc.

I was praying for a better job,and then one came by. My HOD needed someone to wear the Santa Claus costume and he needed me.But honestly,white spectacles & tanned skin? Wow.

I love the dressing room backstage though. I can sit on chairs and the room smells nice.It's probably just a temporary room though.

I gave out candies & chocolates to lots of kids. I made them happy! BUT few kids cried because they were scared ._. A lot of the staff also wanted. There's this few guys who are promoting some optical vision stuff. They stalked me -.- Then this guy go do magic trick my goodness.

When i entered the toilet in my santa claus costume,there's a guy (probably one of the exhibitors working there) who came into the toilet,got startled and jerked off. It was funny!

I also made friends with an Aunty. She's caring though.Like ask me if I had my dinner etc. Then got another aunty who delivers stocks,complained about her injured toe while delivering the goods. Then she go put her leg on the supermarket trolley to show me her feet.So aunty!

While being Santa Claus,i got escorts. Yi Da, a lady,a girl who's working there too. They're friendly I guess,but I don't really know them.

Guess what? I snap the shoe straps of the Santa Claus attire. I was so embarrassed I apologized 3 times to this lady who I think might have to pay for it.Omg.

Then,there's another guy who said wtheck to me when he found out about my pay rate and the job I was undertaking. I couldn't agree more,what the heck.

Thanks GH for the car ride back home ytd! I got to see nice views of the Clarke Quay area and most importantly,finally talk with him.

And one night when I went home alone,I saw Gareth & Justin on the MRT train on the Circle Line. I confronted them though & honestly,they were bimbos and they could never for one second stop talking. I love pinching & smacking them though!

I saw Seok Pheng & Xin Rong there and they saw me too. I also saw Mr Thong & Mr Heng,but they weren't together.

Jeremy Hong's working there too but promoting digital products like cameras etc.

I made friends too with people like Joon Kiat,Nitro & Gerald who happened to be a Liverpool FC supporter! He saw my Fila 10 Black shoes & asked if I played soccer,watched soccer and then ask which club I support. I sounded scared to tell and he questioned me why. But when I got to know he likes Liverpool,I was pleased haha :) But lunch/dinner periods are the most awkward periods.

Btw I saw celebrity Vincent Ng. Apparently,I was around the backstage area blowing some red balloons to be given out to people. Then he just stood in front of me with some Wushu kids. He was in front of me like literally.And I just acted nonchalant o_o

Oh yes I gave out red balloons to customers with Yi Da. It was fun to set up the balloons and put sticks on it.

Few balloons popped._.

I'm sick of MRT train rides every morning & night. Tmr work is 10am-10pm.SIAN. I can reply smses actually but slow. AAA i dowan work tmr. Halfway there alr,might as well finish the race.

Ok that's all. Scared I'll break down again tmr :z

I want my normal life back. I want to play soccer with the usuals Christon JW Pawan again. :(

I'm just trying to keep it all in the bottle. Everything to myself.

Distance.

2010-12-09T20:06:00.010+08:00

I wonder if she's a Liverpool fan.That'll be great if she is. One of my favourite performances from her from American Idol.Give me chills down my spine. I like her studio version too but it's more laidback ;) I love her facial expressions,like she's telling a story.

I love this one too,a must listen. Jordin Sparks has strong pipes,love her! And she's only 17 that time? Who can sing like her at 17? O: I think her voice is really a special gift from God.

This morning,I headed out to Suntec Convention for briefing for work on my own,all alone! Honestly,I was worried that I'll be late,so I left home early at 11.30am when the briefing is at 1pm.I occupied myself during the train ride by reading Torres's autobiography.I managed to reach there at approximately at 12.20pm and so I decided to enjoy a cup of Caramel Frapuccino at Starbucks there before heading up to the sixth floor. It was nice to chill out on a cup of coffee in the afternoon :) Briefing was okay. Before the briefing,there was some attendance taking and there were a lot of other people too,mostly students like me and some perhaps from Poly/JC. I was handed out a set of lanyard,apron,Bookfest card,timecard. I was under a particular guy named Sam,who is in charge of a few departments. He's an adult though. I had the chance to tour around the area,along with specific instructions along the way.The convention halls are awesomely big O: There were a lot of books on sale and there will be special appearances by artistes on certain days,like that of Sezairi & Sylvia on 19th Dec 6pm which is the time I am still working I guess. I didn't manage to interact with the new people though. I really really really really hope I make new friends :z I must expand my social life. After briefing,I went home by Circle Line and East West Line. Work starts tomorrow. Excited? No. Nervous? Yes. Ready? No. Still,it's an honour to be part of a big annual event! I had always loved to be part of something big,something fun. 12-9,here I come. :z Liverpool against Newcastle match on Sunday morning. I'll be as sleepy as heck,but whatever. I'll still watch it :D Go Liverpool! Don't care about what others say of it,like Liverfools or whatever. Dinner ; I weirdly chatted with my Mum & Aunt. I talked about a laughing lizard in the living room,freak me out.Shared few ghost stories -.-' Totally inappropriate for dinner. My finger still hurts due to a cut that I got from badminton.Blood clotting right before my eyes O.O Thrombokinase? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm waiting.

Reach out for the skies.

2010-12-08T21:23:00.012+08:00

FAIL.

Played badminton in the morning at Tampines Sports Hall with Kristine and Shan Xuan today. Thanks for the invitation. Played until skin of finger peeled off :z Soaked in sweat.Then,slacked at MacDonalds.I was reading Torres's autobiography.Thanks Kristine for lending me :) Next,went to shop for white clothes for my work. Giordano and some shops don't really have the size that I feel comfortable in ): So decided to get it at the shop that sells big sized shirts. Later then tell. Went to accompany to Shan Xuan & Kristine to shop for Hui Yen's present. I was surprised though O: Then,went to have lunch at Food Culture. Kristine coughed for a long period of time.Scared me like abcdefg. Then,took train to City Hall and off to Peninsula Shopping Centre. Omg,got this boxer damn big. Scared me to the max. Bought 2 white collared clothes. Then,made an impromptu decision to go Esplanade :) See the nice view.Padang,Supreme court,marina bay sands. Nice sky view. Then,went to Suntec Convention. Omg I'll be sick of that place within a few days. Wanted to pass Genghao something but nvm leave it till Friday i guess? Haha. Went home,lethargic,slept for 1 hour. I think I wanna read Torres's autobiography now,and perhaps watch a bit of soccer later.Singapore Vs. Vietnam? -.-' Briefing for work tomorrow at Suntec Convention at 1pm.I hope I don't get lost tomorrow!! :z I'm on my own ): No,I'm not alone. I believe someone's watching over me.Ok bye. Update : I forgot to mention that I was fooled by a lift in Suntec Convention. There are two sides that can open. And so I faced one side,then Kristine & Shan Xuan faced the other side. Then reached 1st floor already. I was like why the door never open. Then Kristine said goodbye. Then i was like O: must turn the other side to leave the lift. So paiseh! Then she kept laughing.So mean ): Walk on with hope in my heart~ wonder when I'll get to see your face again.

*******

2010-12-07T23:52:00.010+08:00

Liverpool won against Aston Villa 3-0! Goals by Ngog,Babel & Maxi secured a 4th successive win at Home! Gerard Houllier returned to Anfield as an opposition manager for the first time since he left Liverpool.Key players Torres,Gerrard & Carragher didn't play though. 8th position in league table :) I overslept for the 4am match,but I managed to catch the last 20 minutes though. I still find it amusing over the Torres-can't-play-due-to-wife-in-labour thing. Inside joke :D i think I overslept cause' I ended up turning in late. I went to bed at 10.45pm and had a lot of things on my mind and could only sleep at 2am :( Sigh. I went over to my cousins' house today. Spammed Wii again :) Played soccer too,tried to practice header.Wind was cool and breezy. Went home at 10pm. I need to run more,cause' I need to lose weight. My stomach disgusts me. I think I got sunburn on my forehead.The skin like almost peeled off or something. Too much exposure to the sun :z Briefing for work on Thursday. Work starts on Friday. Excited? No. There is nothing to look forward to after work is done. Maybe November Squad's NPCC Outing,and perhaps (HMgLiRaP)² ™ 's outing. 'O' Level Results Day? Nonono. Definitely not looking forward to it.I fear I'll cry terribly on that day,cry tears of sadness.Why must it be around my birthday period?!!!! I think I miss (HMgLiRaP)² ™ ... Hope Li Ting recovers faster. Gosh. Christmas? I don't even celebrate it... Alright. A song.

the silence.

2010-12-06T21:56:00.008+08:00

I stayed at home all day today and woke up at 1.30pm. I was too lazy to wake up. As I said on Facebook,I've come to a point that I just want to be alone and shut myself out from the world completely.But I meant one day only.So,I spent the whole afternoon to myself. Watched Amazing Race. Love Brooke & Claire. Glad they're in the final leg.I started to wonder that if one day I'm gone,will I be missed or I wont? Petrified of the future :/ Hope I'm led down the right path.

I call out your name every night. If you want to comment,there's the 'comments' button down there.Er...bye.

You thought you had us fooled at your beckon call but now who's the joke and look who's laughing now.

2010-12-05T23:28:00.010+08:00

I went for Mdm Farhana's wedding today. It's so weird now that we have to address her as Mdm Farhana.Anyway,I heard that they had an earlier wedding over at Furama Riverfront Hotel on Saturday and Sunday happened to be the groom's side though. Met Kristine,Jasper,Junjie at Bedok MRT first. I sent 14 sms to 7 people. All I can say is waste my sms. Took bus 60 to Eunos Community Club. At first,I didn't know that place until I searched it online and recognised it. LOL it's like near my primary school and one of my childhood places. Reached around 2pm and it was awkward. Lazy elaborate. Went Mac first,had ice cream although i was coughing the other night. I got a bit of running nose too last night. And my voice like was gonna turn sore cause' i sang a few songs the previous day -.-' The rest came later. Took two pictures with Ms Farhana. I meant Mdm Farhana. Ate the food there. I drank like 4 cups lol. Congrats Mdm Farhana on her marriage. Hope that she will continue to be blessed with the wonderful things in store for her! :) Gave her an angpao,my parents wanted to. Haha. Went back with some others. Haha I think I'll miss talking to Raudhah =( Luckily I got a chance to chat with her! Then took bus 60 to Bedok Int. and bus 17 to Changi General Hospital. Was feeling damn moody. Someone or rather,two people,you'll be healed.Sigh.I just don't like the feeling. Nvm,I'm keeping all my worries and problems to myself,especially all my personal stuff. Went back home with aunt by taxi. Got myself a lot of stuff today. Two nice shirts,one hoodie and one pair of jeans! :) All my size~ Now I know where to get clothes and jeans my size :) tell me where did you get the nerve to even think that you could play me wrong.Ok bye.

You open up my heart,show me all your love and walk me through~

my imperfections

2010-12-05T00:16:00.004+08:00

i'm blogging from phone,again.lazy to use laptop now.lying down in the living room now and watching soccer matches on Mio TV. everyone's asleep already.and oh ya,the air at night now is very nice,cooling and fresh. and the place behind my house now very bright because they replaced the orange lights with white ones,but i like it.feel like going walk in the night but it's so late.

i'm weird.that's what Kristine told me. today was a simple day. after the religious class,went to marine parade library to browse through books.spent only about 45mins there.then i went to meet Geng Hao for lunch at parkway parade.my phone battery died.so locating him was tough.i had to use a stranger's phone to call LT and ask for GH's no. Thanks Liting! luckily got meet.then after lunch,i went Borders awhile with him and home afterwards.hated the rain,got kind of drenched.lucky got extra clothes.

then had a phone convo with Atika for nearly 2hrs. Haha funny. Thanks Atika for willing to talk to me. Then dk what I did.watched vampire diaries,then chatted with Kristine for like 2hrs. Thanks Kristine for willing to talk to me too. wow nice header by Rodwell of Everton but the ball hit the goalpost and deflected,sad. Chelsea leading 1-0. omg cech like injured duno wad thing but he continuing playing.okay wanna be a hermit crab now,bye.

speak to my heart.

Blogging from phone.

2010-12-04T10:19:00.003+08:00

Blogging from phone now. At religious class now,damn bored. It's supposed to be checking of papers but none yet. I think i'm the only person in my class who came. and i got drenched in the rain just now. and i'm sleepy from the long bus rides. 12pm come faster. i thought i could learn something during class but maybe not. i'm bored. lol goodbye.

Fault lines everywhere.

2010-12-03T22:49:00.009+08:00

An eventful day! Liverpool's match result first. 1-1 against Steaua Bucharest. They qualified into knockout stages as group winners luckily.Sent an update to both Mr Tan & Kristine lol. Played soccer in the morning at a soccer court in Simei today.At first,I was late. Then,I thought I'm the only one,but I was wrong.I called Jun Wen and he was still sleeping-.-Met Pawandip at Eastpoint Mall. Luckily,he knows one of the courts,so he directed me there. Then,Christon came. So we started playing. Penalty kicks,passing,blabla.Christon,being random,said the sky was freaking nice lol. So it went quite well,but I kick the ball damn pathetic.Aaa. Jun wen came later,then moved to another court.Got 3 other people playing.So in the end we all played. 4 against 3.At first we were in the lead 8-3 then suddenly 8-6 -.- the hot weather was like some fire. burn me like ouch. damn tired already. then played 2nd match,4 against 4. lol still tired as ever. freaking hot weather. forgot the score already. but still win. sorry but i'm a soccer noob. christon + jw + pawan = soccer pros k thanx. -.- shook hands with the other ppl afterwards. bought 100 plus isotonic drink from vending machine nearby. then sat on void deck floor and chat with them. From World cup to NPCC to people to don't know what else la. FUN ^^suddenly got a call. I got a job yay! Genghao too :) then i noticed it was like nearing 1pm already. wanted to have lunch but all pangseh and don't want ): Thanks guys for giving me the golden opportunity to play soccer with y'all :) so i went off first for prayers. was worried i'll be late,so in the end,abandoned decision to take bus and took a taxi to mosque. chiong. yes got space to pray! called Khalis. Met Khalis,Syahid,Sumardi after prayers. They were like at 2nd floor lol. Bought drinks then walk walk,then took bus 18 with Sumardi back home. chatted little stuff but at least we're still in touch :) then went out later again to have dinner with my parents and grandfather at Changi's 89.7 Supper Club :) It's not a club,it's just like a foodcourt lol. Ate like 7 dishes together. Lemme try type this. Stingray sambal fish,toufu hotplate,tom yum soup,butter prawns,kangkong vegetables,lemon chicken,rice and duno wads the name of this dish.but all so niceeee. i was like so full. can feel like my stomach bursting. like some pregnant lady who is pregnant for like 100000 months but haven't give birth. ouch. luckily the 'full' feeling subsides. quite a moment spent with family today. overall,this week has been an awesome week with family and friends.Thank God for that! Hopefully,Saturday & Sunday will be the same. Sunday - Ms Farhana's wedding :) Alright. I think I'm the only person blogging here. ok i'm getting sian to see dead blogs everywhere. i thought it was like some 'o' levels season. i must change blogskin already. as much as i am happy at times,that feeling is omnipresent. i still have that feeling but you probably don't know what i feel. I think when something good is taken away from me,I will be blessed with even greater things.I hope. I just realised some of my prayers have been answered. Like getting a job,playing soccer,patching up some things and few more. Thankful. i'm so jealous of him,i wanna be as fit as him. Will be busy on 10,11,12,13,15,16,18,19 December.I don't know how tired I'll be.

mamamamama.

2010-12-02T21:13:00.009+08:00

Rainy day. I don't like the weather,spoiler.Make me feel so gloomy. Already planned to play soccer today but in the end,I didn't.Not because of the weather,something else,but don't wish to elaborate on it.

Anyway,today,I asked JW out because I was feeling bored.Firstly,I wanted to meet him at Eastpoint's Burger King. I saw my senior,Ridhwan there. Shortly after,we changed to having dinner at 18 Chefs. When I was approaching the shop,suddenly a sign or banner or whatever display thing fell,prolly due to strong winds-.- I thought I was like some bad omen O= I ate Cheese Baked Rice,delicious meal :) Ice lemon tea & Ice cream. $6,not bad la.

I have this sudden craving for Sushi naoooo. Anyway,he's working at Freshness Burger at Nex Mall,a newly opened mall at Serangoon.So after dinner,I accompanied him to go his work.Talked through the train rides~ The mall not bad.Hmm.

After I sent him off,I went home. Thanks JW for a great day today :) Liverpool match at 2am ltr. Reina captain now o.o pls,liverpool,own steaua bucharest. I wanna play soccer again.Gah. Someone reply sms very slow. one day,i'll be the one.

World AIDS Day.

2010-12-01T21:33:00.014+08:00

Tiring day it has been :z

Met Geng Hao in the afternoon for the job interview. Took train together to Jurong East first.Long train ride. Long chats too :) Had lunch at an eating place nearby. Then we took bus service 183 to Popular Holdings building. The sight of the factory buildings wasn't really nice.What happened after we got off the bus was crazy.We feared that we would be late for the interview so we just ran our way to the building and made our way up to the 4th floor. It felt like some Amazing Race and I was sweating all over,but the running was great.

I had to fill up an employment form. Then,we were instructed to enter a big conference room,along with two other girls. It was pretty nerve-wrecking. The room is like those meeting rooms in dramas. It felt like some oral conversation lol. After the interview took bus 183 back to the interchange. Complained to GH the intensity of my headache.Perhaps it's due to the long train ride or the unsightly buildings.All I know is I had this sudden headache.

Took the long train ride again. Then went Bedok Interchange to have dessert ; Strawberry Ice Kachang while GH had Grass Jelly Drink. Went back by MRT and bus. Home like 6pm. Slept awhile. Thanks Genghao for the great company today,haha love ya!

Bored again and don't know how to not be bored.

Yesterday watched Man Utd vs West Ham match for Carling Cup. Like at 5am. West Ham won 4-0. Wow. Carlton Cole and Jonathan spector scored two goals each. Man Utd got dumped out of carling cup.Crashed to their heaviest defeat since 2001 and their first loss of the season lol.I just realised the cup looks like a mickey mouse head. Europa league starts tmr. duno if i shld watch,except the liv match.

Wow,it's December already.I'm more than happy that it is December already. Got like nothing to look forward to...still remember the time in december i went to idol roadshow with genghao,liting,christon. happy memories,so nostalgic,will keep them forever srsly. ♥ I'm missing those 'My Life would suck without you' days also. AAA. Don't want to think about it,otherwise i'll get emo by thinking all sorts of stuff. not good. but i think i give up liao. i'm leaving it to God. cause' i know i tried and did what i wanted to,to my best ability so i'm just moving along. if i'm realised,then i am but if not,then what else can i do right? sian sian. i'm lonely at home le. don't know what to do. i love talking can. if i don't talk,i can like 'die'.someone just talk to me can,like naoooo. booooo. maybe i should talk to myself.call me crazy but whateverrrr. i think the only thing that keeps me interested is soccer now. otherwise,i don't know what else. maybe photography! those were the 2 things i wrote as my hobbies/interests in my employment form today. i'm looking forward to nov's outing! i'm missing all november peeps )': those go-home-late-night-from-npcc-courses-at-HTA-and-random-places days were fun. and i'm trying my best to find ppl to go friday prayers tgt :( whatever,shh. my blog is dead la. no one tag,only atika tag. might as well don't blog alr. sian ttm. sian.bye.

Where the fields are green,to see you once again.

2010-11-30T22:25:00.007+08:00

Today was a weird day,for most of it. Met Geng Hao,Yi Ren,Yi Ting at Tanjong Pagar MRT for a job interview. Sorry guys for being almost half an hour late. I felt awkward to be in some weird building.It felt like I was barging into some private property. Anyway,I filled up the form and I might be in the Security Dept with regards to the event Bookfest 2010 by Popular which will be held at Suntec Convention 601-603. Geng Hao and Yi Ren filled up theirs too but maybe Yi Ren might be quitting the job,I'm not sure.But they filled up in other departments like packing and shelving books i think.But the working hours are long,like 12-9 or 10-10 and the event is 10th-19th Dec. But I'm working for 8 days only. That is,if my interview tml is successful. Anyway,I also did left my contact for 'Each A Cup' and they did contacted me asking where I plan to go next and I said JC. And there's no reply afterwards. Hurhur.

But at least I won't have to make so many decisions. Don't know if I'll enjoy the job but I'll give it a shot. I'll work hard if I get it. The rules are strict too. No use of phone at work,otherwise no bonus. Went to have lunch with Geng Hao at Century Sq's Food Culture. Haha enjoyed my time with him today :) Ate this black pepper chicken with rice like some hotplate. nice :) bought bubble tea. haha kinda enjoyed chatting with him on the bus too,sent him off to 201. then i went home. thanks genghao :)

watched barcelona and real madrid match highlights online. was supposed to watch it online at 4am today but i lazy wake up -.- 5 fantastic goals,epic match! :) Goal of the year! But Ramos got a red card. And what's with the shoving by Ronaldo? Gosh. Then got some fight at the end hurhur -.-

With regards to ytd's Liv match,Liv got 5 yellow cards -.- Konchesky,Meireles,Johnson,Skrtel,Carragher.And Carragher dislocated his shoulder,which led him to having operation,means he'll not be playing for weeks.Aaaa.Dead. Whatever,me and my craze for soccer suddenly. went to walk alone near my neighbourhood area.went 7 eleven at 201 to buy 2 chicken pau. the sky was like split into half ; half dark & half bright. weird. I feel like watching dramas! But don't know what dramas to watch. Too lazy to go and search. Aren't I suppose to exercise these 2 mnths? I'm suppose to lose weight. Aren't I suppose to learn piano/guitar? Still not yet. Aren't I suppose to go overseas or something? Oh ya,Mum Xray on 20th and operation tentative. sigh. i'm hoping for a hope to hope for more hope... At the end of a storm,there's a golden sky.

I just wanna be me.

2010-11-29T21:37:00.005+08:00

Sunday : Played street soccer at Bedok with the malay guys Hariz,Nazrul,Hakim,Khai,Ridwan and some others. It was rather impromptu but quite fun. Glad I got the opportunity to play but I feel sad cause' if i wanna play,i have to travel all the way to Bedok. Went home like 7pm.Reached house bus stop and went provision shop to buy a drink. The place reminded me of some stuff. Chatted with Geng Hao over some stuff. From Hong Kong to something else on MSN. Liverpool match. They lost to Tottenham 2-1. Smsed Mr Tan throughout the match. Started to feel down after the match. Maybe because of the match score,but also because of something else too. Monday : Woke up early in the morning to do job hunt with Geng Hao,Li Ting and Jun Jie. Went NTUC Fairprice,Pastamania,Hei Sushi and some others. Hei Sushi took down our names and contact numbers but I doubt they will contact us back. Lost hope in finding jobs somehow. Saw my soccer friends Hariz,Nazrul and Afiq.Said hello to them lol.Had lunch at Whitesands Mall's KFC. Thank Geng Hao for buying for me a souvenir that you got from Hong Kong. That's nice of you haha. I love Grass Jelly Soya Milk from Mr Bean.Bought one for Liting & Genghao too haha. Home. Lied down for some time and ended up sleeping. Bathe. Watch Amazing Race. Brooke & Claire are funny and hyper. Pity Vicki. Nick's really bad.If I was Vicki,I would have asked for a breakup long time ago. Guys are jerks sometimes ugh. I won't reveal spoilers to those who haven't watch. I'm bored to death now. I was sitting by the window and thinking about all sorts of things. I need someone to lean on to help with my feelings today but everyone's busy with their own stuff and thus, I couldn't really depend on anyone. Hope I'll get through these stupid feelings. I think it's time to let go but honestly, I haven't. For once, I just want to cry it all out. I want to cry like I never cried before. I really just want to cry it all out. I'm just so tired.I feel that my best days are over. Perhaps I need space.But why when I ask a little favour also cannot? I feel like quitting blogging.Like blogging lost its meaning already.

A Note To God.

2010-11-28T12:59:00.005+08:00

I can't even begin to say how eventful my week has been. In fact,these 2 weeks have been really an eventful one. I was going out everyday :) Though it's been tiring,I'm enjoying it! In fact,I'm loving my life for a moment. Still. Anyway,I'll try to keep this brief. Monday,Tuesday was 4R1 10' chalet :) At Sentosa. The chalet didn't look awesome. The huts were very small and cramped. But I actually wanted to stay over cause' some wanted to,but I didn't bring some stuff,so can't lol. Monday; roamed around the beach area,took lots of photos,around 97.Ate dessert,had long walks,chatted a lot. Took a cramped tram on the way back home with Jasper,Li Ting,Kristine. A really cramped tram. It was like some rampage or something. Jasper was having a sugar rush;hyper active -.- The monorail was worse,felt very very bored! Had dinner with them at Vivo City's Banquet. Lemon chicken rice & Chrysanthemum Tea I think :) Saw my P2 religious class teacher but she didn't recognise me of course. 6 years wad. Watched Amazing Race. Phew,Brooke & Claire not out. Go them! (Y) Wish Chad & Stephanie a happy marriage though. Tuesday was perhaps more eventful. Met Jasper,Kristine,Li Ting at Tampines MRT then headed off to meet the rest of the class at Universal Studios. Did nothing much except entering a store and place full of candies that reminded me of Katy Perry's California Gurls music video except for the squeezing milk part though -.- First when reached the beach,played captain ball. Liting,Junhao on my side while Jasper,Kristine,Christon on the other side. It was epic -.- A lot of running and I'm tired already.Weak stamina. Played a bit of soccer,but fake one. Kick ball only -.- Played another captain ball game with the class. I think my team won -.- But who cares about the score,it was fun but running on artificial sand was painful.The worst thing is,I sprained and hurt my toe like it bend totally.Ouch. The weather was hot too. Played a bit of Frisbee with Yi Ren. Hang out at the beach with Kristine,Yiren,Christon. Got some ang mohs wanted to borrow Jasper's volleyball -.- Jasper looked angry after that. Barbecue time. Starting the fire took a long time for them. Ate some food. Bla bla. Mr Tan came. His son is cute. Gave Geng Hao a note/card. Hope he likes it! :) Had a chatting session with Janet,Li ting & Genghao in the small hut. Surprisingly, the aircon was cold. Gonna miss 4R1 ians ): Went home in the end. There was fireworks ! Awesome mosome. *Katy perry's fireworks video* MRT train ride back home was tiring. Wednesday : Met in the morning with Li ting,Jasper,Kristine. Roamed around shops to look for Christon's present. Decided on one thing but it was tough deciding what to buy really.Went for lunch at Century Sq with Raudhah,Amira,Sheau Shiun,Christon and the 3 of them. Got a very long silent awkward moment. Ended up going Toys R Us. Toys are lame. Watched Harry Potter 7 Part 1. It's a great catch. Love the plot and the tale about the deathly hallows. Part 2 next,July -.- I think I'm going to leak some stuff. I acted like I was going home but I made Christon go to the bus interchange and told him that I'll wait for him to go off first then I go. but actually I was supposed to meet Kristine,LT,jasper to buy his bday present. LOL. apparently,when i reached there,the shirt size was out of stock and it meant me and kristine had to travel all the way to Orchard's Paragon the next day to get that shirt from another retail outlet. Went to collect my tailor made pants afterwards. Thursday : Met Kristine early in the morning. I was late again,sorry. Took a taxi to Paragon mall. Thanks Kris for paying the taxi fare. She can still say it's not that expensive lol. Went Adidas shop and finally bought the shirt. Went back by MRT to Tampines Mall to print photo and then to Popular to buy card and wrapping paper. Home. Went out again with Mum later on to get a haircut at Century Sq. Back home. Got ready and all for Prom. Mum helped me with putting on gel. My hair looks like some elvis presley fail hair and the shoes make me feel taller.Met Christon and YR in the taxi and later on,Kristine. The taxi drive was a bit -.- I felt that I had to suffer sitting in the front seat. Shouldn't have sat at the front seat. Like I got choice anyway. Prom was great. Couldn't recognise some people at first. Had a 8 course dinner. Christon kept laughing for some time cause' of some sliding tackle stuff on stage. Reminded me of the time when he laughed non-stop in Tampines Library for a long time. Thanks Jasper and his parents for sending us to the nearest MRT station! Took MRT train at 12am plus with Junjie,Yr,Ch. First time. Wished CH a happy birthday at 12am on the dot. Camera got something wrong now. ): walked back home. super quiet and super deserted. reached home like almost 1am. Friday : planned an outing for christon. kite flying at marina barrage. walked up early to write some stuff for the card. took a very long time to do it. went friday prayers. got that emo emo feeling as usual. met liting,kristine,junjie,christon later on. this time didn't get lost :) was feeling worried cause' someone was looking very sian and bored. anyway,liting complained about something. could really feel how wasteful that was :z jj and kristine's kite spoiled-.- christon's one doesn't have the rod. the clouds look scary though. but at least my kite can fly or something. didn't expect many kites to be flown there. took a long time to unravel my RED thread.and they said they ' saved' my Mum's whole bundle of thread by cutting?! Wow *clap clap* -.- MRT ride was sian and boring. Went to T1 with Kristine. I bought a Boston-Chocolate flavoured cake for Christon,a small one. Went to have dinner with them at Kopitiam. I ate dessert. Ice jelly cocktail! went with JJ and LT to do job hunt.interesting.Home. Was supposed to study Arabic exam but ended up using laptop and watched Survivor. Happy Birthday Christon! Sorry for late post -.- Hope you like the cake,card and shirt! Saturday: I don't really like my Saturdays now. Arabic exam was epic fail. I think I fail it.Totally skip qns on an Arabic comprehension passage. -.- But at least got RED mark on my report book :) zz. i found out that a guy in my religious class likes Liverpool too! I wanna talk to him too but it seems like he see me i see him but we're total strangers. so sad ): went out with my relatives to Joo Chiat NTUC to buy some stuff.then went simei's eastpoint to have lunch at banquet. free meal,thanks :) was feeling tired,sleepy = boredom. went my relatives' house. played Wii! Pro Evolution soccer,mario kart,need for speed nitro,wii sports and a lot more. Then played soccer with them. Fun! Love kicking balls :) ate a black pepper roasted chicken with them. big one -.- had prayer session. a long one with them. fruitful,learnt some stuff from my uncle. it's so hard for me. i feel pressurized and restricted though. wanted to ask some stuff and let out some of my feelings and thoughts about certain things but decided it's better i keep it to myself. had dinner.then watched Arsenal vs. Aston Villa match first half. Arsenal plays well. first half was 2-0 i think. went back home at 10pm. reached home,no one.as usual,alone at home.dark. skipped vampire diaries for soccer matches. ManUtd won Blackburn 7-1. Exciting match! Berbatov scored 5 goals and Nani and Park J.sung scored one each. Felt a bit sad for Blackburn. If it was Liverpool,it would be worse. Congrats to Berbatov for being in the record books or something. Read it online. Liverpool's match later on at 12am against Tottenham Hotspur. Nervous.Scared.Won't have anyone to talk to during Liverpool's match since Kristine left for Hong Kong already.Don't dare to message Christon during matches -.- Okay. so it's Sunday. Prolly a day for myself to have some space and do my own stuff. But I don't mind going out of course. Nth else. Job hunt tomorrow. Nervous and scared if got walk-in interviews :z Goodbye :) Still,I can't run away from the truth.

We share the same bright sun,the same round moon,why don’t we share the same love?

2010-11-21T22:35:00.009+08:00

Been real busy. Hanged out with my relatives at Jurong Bird Park today. Have to thank my Uncle for paying the admission fee which was $50 I think? Yes,really. Thanks. I had a ball of fun time with them. Woke up real early on a Sunday,but it was worthwhile. Took many many pictures! Stupid,one of my cousins scared the wits out of me in that i-can't-see-anything-in-a-dark-room-filled-with-weird-owls-going-hoot-hoot room. Honestly,it was an unglam & paiseh moment -.- Shall not reveal hehe. Watched a bird show too. Got the opportunity to feed the birds with some weird liquid. I think the birds will be damn fat and bored of the 'food'. Like me. But I remembered I was afraid of feeding the birds last time. So yay =D Afterwards,went to eat with them at a foodcourt called 'Aiman's Cafe' near some Jurong East Area. Great food! Awesome mosome time with my lovely cousins! Anyway I woke up late for Liverpool and West Ham match by half an hour. They won 3-0! I was saying to my Dad "Now that they scored one goal,wouldn't it be better if they had 3-0" and poof,they scored 3 goals all in first half. Second half was goalless. Well done Liverpool! Back in 9th position. I hope they don't fall. Keep rising! Everyone's been watching dramas,like GH is in love with Cruel Temptation. And Janet prolly too glued to her dramas until she didn't reply my msg. I'm supposed to apply for a job. JANET REPLY. Class chalet tomorrow. Not excited for it. -.- Some plans were made and I totally don't know anything about it and when someone told me, I go O.O and thought it was very awkward.Not gonna think anything fishy about it,but yeah. complaints at home.and it's adults' affair. wah cannot stand it. shh. One piece of advice : Don't wait for something bad to happen and you regret because of YOUR OWN deliberate actions. One that I learnt from my own experience.

We share the same bright sun,the same round moon,why don’t we share the same love?

Nice.

Belief & Hope.

2010-11-20T23:30:00.003+08:00

I've been out for the entire week so far and I'm dead beat. Friday : Went to meet Geng Hao in the morning. Then went off for Friday Prayers. I find that containing my tears during the prayers was torturous.I had to go to toilet after it -.- Maybe it's because of the prayer,maybe it's because of the very nice people I bumped into. I don't know,it came naturally. Then,went to meet Christon,Jasper,Yi Ren at Tampines Mall's Isetan. There were sales going on. I managed to get myself a pair of black shoes & a tie. The black shoes are similar to Christon & Yi Ren,no,it's same. But what could be worse than girls wearing same dress on Prom Night? Wanted to get tailor made pants at 201,but the shop owner wasn't there. So went home. Then,went out later again in the night to go to the shop with my Mum. Tailor made pants are expensive. I need to be thinner. Spent my night away studying for religious class exam.Headache.

Saturday : Woke up earlier than usual,at 8.30am. Sat for religious class exam. So so lol. I find reading Arabic not easy at all. Struggled like abcdefg. After class,came a total downpour and dark clouds were lurking ominously.Hate it badly. Had a sudden nostalgic feeling of going to Parkway,miss that place. I like the ambience there. Went to stay over at cousin's place. Had fun. Played soccer,PSP,prayed together,had great chats with my Grandfather,relatives,watched 'Where got ghost' on Mio TV,watched some movie.Ate home made Nasi Lemak. Reached home like 10.30 pm. I'm really tired. Been out for the entire week so far. And next week,I'm like fully booked. Exhausting but I'm enjoying it.I feel weird having to adjust to a 'no studying' life though,and it has only been less than a week since o'levels ended. Anyway,I want to thank Geng Hao for helping me with something. I am thankful you were there to help me,thanks. I'll never forget it :) I'm not a fool. I'm not that gullible. I can think. I have instincts.

Hold my hand my friend,we can save the good spirit of me and you,for another chance.

2010-11-18T20:21:00.007+08:00

I've been going out the past few days,ohmygosh. Not to mention,there'll be more coming ahead. I went out on another shopping trip with Kristine & Li Ting today at T1,Tampines Mall & Century Square in search of their Prom shoes. It was quite enjoyable I guess. Li Ting took a rather long time to purchase her pair of shoes. Kristine bought a pair of shoes and a clutch purse that was pretty nice. Guess it was fruitful for them. As for me,I didn't buy anything,but it turns out I'm going Prom Night,thankfully.However,the shopping costs just made me go mad. Had a drink over at Century Square's Coffee Bean.I love cafes mainly because they set you in a sedative mood and simply provide a space for you to chill out with a cup of mocha/coffee or anything. I started pouring in sugar syrup and endless sugar into my cup of Cappuccino. Then,I went to add chocolate powder and cinnamon powder into it.The whole thing was funny -.- Played PSP FIFA 10 with Kristine. Super fail hahah. It turned out Jasper was in CS too but it was never fated for us to bump into each other haha. Slacked,slacked. Wow,life after O'Levels. But is it great? I still don't know. I don't know if I should download FIFA 11,feeling so lazy to download large-sized files onto my laptop.Aiya,delete the old and upload the new. O.O Oh yesterday,I went to my cousin's house.It was fun :) Spammed xbox 360 for 4-5 hours.Played Call of Duty,Star Wars Force Unleashed,Left 4 Dead,Bakugan and don't know what else. Then played with my two little cousins.they just bring smiles to my face. I remembered during my childhood days,I always stayed over at their house. I still feel damn empty as ever )): It's so not me! I wish I can be happy like I was in 2009. It's probably one of the best years I had,well I guess.Now everything seems like in a mess from top to bottom.My social life,my relationships,my family,my happiness. Like one by one,snatched away like some kidnapper. Woa,I got kidnapped.But it means all those will be returned right? Or will it all get snatched and killed? Even so,it means I need to pay.Hmm,if it was in context of life,what do I pay? Love? Maybe. I really want to patch up things and be a better person,but in the process,I find myself defeated. Then,I always get so worked up about how others think and feel of me,and I start to throw assumptions and expect so much from them.In the end,I made them angry with me and it loosens the strings of our relationship.Afterwards,I regret doing it and cried over spilt milk. Then I ask for forgiveness and repeat the same mistake. What's wrong with me? I hate myself for fitting hypocrisy and stereotyping in my daily life. Is this what I learnt from religious class every Saturday? No.Then,Rashid,why did you do it? I learnt my lesson. I want to befriend with people whom I used to be friends with closely,but it seems too little too late to patch up things. It's like a shattered glass that can never be formed up back. Rashid,you have broken the trust,understanding and bonds that you shared with people in your life. Sometimes when I look myself in the mirror,I don't even know who I am. I felt different. I'm going back to where I belong. I must try not to be emo.I always believe being happy brightens up everyone and lets you boost your inner confidence and is the key to good things. I must change myself. I want people to appreciate me and if I want that,I have to appreciate others.

2010-11-17T00:42:00.002+08:00

I've never ever shed so much tears. I'm thinking too much. Why must I cry? It's not smart to cry over people. Rashid,they got their own cell group friends. Just move on. Maybe one day,just one day,you will find what you've always been looking for.A group of Malays whom you too can depend on. So just press on,try to accept changes and be happy. Be optimistic. Be happy. Live your life to the fullest,cause' you're only given one life. Cherish it. I'm going to regret this.

Oxymoron

2010-11-16T21:30:00.007+08:00

O'Levels are Over,with the big fat O. Ok,since yesterday. Anyway,I posted yesterday's entry on Livejournal. I suddenly felt like posting there,so yeah. Today was basically a shopping day with the clique. Headed down to Bugis,Marina Square and Suntec City. Firstly,waking up early in the morning was tiring. Secondly,the long walk,but hopefully it helps to make me lose weight. Thirdly,the crowded trains. I don't fancy crowded places,but I think I've grown an immunity to it,especially every Friday. Nevertheless,I enjoy shopping with the guys and girls. The pretty dresses really cost a bomb while the male vests/blazers were too expensive. Mentioned to Kristine that I had a craving for chicken rice early in the morning a couple of times. Glad I got that craving off. Then I said I craved for coffee and then came Starbucks. Had a cup of Dark Cherry Mocha at Starbucks. It was awesome. Took a couple of pictures as well. There was a total downpour on the MRT ride back. A real downpour. Don't even talk about Prom to me. It's unfair I don't even have the money to go. I mean I have,but my Dad refuse. And now he might let me go. I'm confused. The answer is just maybe maybe maybe. So frustrating. This sucks. I wasn't really in the best of moods during yesterday's cycling outing. I just don't like hanging out in big groups cause' I feel that there's a tendency for one to feel outcast and neglected,but nevermind. When I reached home,I was just so sad and gloomy.All I could afford to do was to stare at the ceiling for half an hour. I guess,I shouldn't put up hopes if I want to talk to someone. Maybe I should just give up,avoid and just give up. No point. If I'm really cared,I wouldn't have,but nvm, it's okay :)) On another note, I hate my hair now.It's uneven. And lastly,Happy Hari Raya Haji to all Muslims :)

Ask yourself;reflect on yourself.

2010-11-13T15:25:00.008+08:00

Heyz. Just got back home from class.Had a religious exam,hmm didn't really study for it.So.no.comments.Went lunch with relatives at Simei's Banquet.Thanks Aunty for treating me to that awesomely topsy piping hot soup + fish + rice & dark chocolate drink. Good food. :) Saw a Sec 4 guy and a Sec 3 guy. Nothing much to do,except studying Biology,watching television,photo shopping,slacking,sleep,Tumblring. Talking about Tumblr,I have lost touch with it,but I recently got to log in yesterday and did some tumblr-ing.It's really awesome. Kristine,you have to check my Tumblr out,there's a lot of cool Liverpool stuff there :) I'll probably going to Tumblr later. I don't know why,but I'm listening to this sad song and I'm crying.Talking about crying,cried last night.I hate them. Sometimes I just want to quit myself from Facebook. I hate having to suck up everything. Don't make promises to me if you can't fulfill them,cause' you will only be disappointing me.I can no longer stand it.My sadness is already at its zenith.If you don't want to talk to me,so be it. I no longer want to talk to him,them. I'm going to sleep now. Goodbye.

Forever united here,somehow.

2010-11-12T20:57:00.013+08:00

Yo. Today has been quite a good day for me,I guess.Basically,there was a Chemistry MCQ paper that I had to sit for.Afterwards,I headed out to Change Airport with the rest of my friends to have a mini break,considering we have one Biology MCQ paper left on Monday :) Bus ride was funny.We took quite a long time to decide where to have breakfast,from foodcourt to Popeyes and finally to Yakun Kaya toast,but I ate Nasi Lemak though.I thought the tables at Yakun Kaya toast were awesomely cute,especially with the "border" that separates the guys and the girls.It's okay if you don't understand what I'm talking about,hah.The eggyolks looked slimy. Afterwards,we went to Terminal 3.We managed to catch a glimpse of the airplanes.I waould love to go other countries besides Malaysia,Thailand & Indonesia. Man,it's my dream~ I wish I had the finances but guess I have to put aside that dream of mine.False hopes. Then,basically,we roamed around,took sky trains. There were a lot of Malays O.O But I knew the reason why.They were going pilgrimage and so their families are sending them off. Then,I went for Friday Prayers.No comments.Went home,slacked awhile,then went off to play soccer. O.O Okay pardon me if I sound really pissed at this part here. You know what. I made a wasted trip really.Plus,I waited for nearly an hour for him.But he didn't show up nor reply my messages.I really felt moody at that time. In the end,I just went back home. But he has his reasons,but is it trustworthy? Or does this actually mean something else? That my presence is not wanted? Please,I was really hoping to play soccer,but no. Saw a primary school friend on the bus,but don't know if he recognises me,so I just...didn't say hi. I was thinking all sorts of things on the bus ride.I just felt so terrible I straightaway went to sleep once I reached home.How do I say? it's like emo+ angry+ sad+bored+helpless+lost. Perfect combo,bingo. Why is it that when I feel like I wanna do something new,I always get my hopes crushed? It's not like I didn't seize the opportunity.Feeling so frustrated but more of sad. I am hating more now.My tolerance level has already reached its maximum point. They have their own group of friends. I'm no longer needed.Rashid or no Rashid,it doesn't make a big difference.I feel like I'm wearing a plastic mask on my face honestly,having to absorb all the "Hey I like you" or 'Hey I appreciate u",which obviously doesn't apply to me. you're still a part of my life...

Unexpected win

2010-11-08T23:37:00.004+08:00

It's Monday and thought I will get Monday Blues,but not really. It's officially less than 6 days before my O' Levels come to an end. Excited? YES,VERY EXCITED. Before I digress,let me say this. LIVERPOOL WON CHELSEA! 2-0 Torres is back from the land of the dead or something. Unexpected win and brace from him. At first,I wasn't thinking of watching since I have a SS exam later on in the morning. But I decided to watch it anyway since I was still revising. I didn't bear to watch until I found out Liv was leading by a goal :) Didn't regret watching the first half.Went back to sleep after that. I spent my afternoon like a sloth. I slept for almost 2 hours. I had a really awful nightmare. I dreamt that all my close friends turned their backs on me. It was very awful I don't even know what to feel at that time. It felt like a dream but at the same time,a reality. Luckily I forced myself to wake up from the dream. Omg seriously. Somehow that dream is slowly becoming a reality,after what occurred in the afternoon. I thought by asking politely,you will get a polite answer.But no,I was wrong. Instead,I was ignored and my message wasn't even replied. FYI,I don't have unlimited phone plan. Whatever,moving along. Basically,I feel slack. & HML exam is on Wednesday. But I did memorise 100 proverbs already,20 more to go ): And I still need to go through papers,and memorise fanciful phrases. Googa. I don't know if I can do it. It doesn't mean I did it for Prelim that I can do it for O's. I must try my best,really.Though talk is cheap. I came up with a list of things to do after O's

PLAY MORE SOCCER!!
RUN MORE,LOSE 20 KG!!
Pick up a music instrument (as in,learn,not just touch & pick up,ha.ha. oink zz)
Go out on more outings!

To Be Continued... I'm still me. No matter how different I may be,be it the things I do and all,I'll still be the me you know me since last year. And I want you to know that. Goodbye! HML Marathon tmr :( Letakkanlah panji ketabahan di puncak hatimu agar kamu daya melalui liku-liku kehidupan yang penuh onak dan duri. Love Katy Perry's Fireworks,uplifting song :)

She has such a beautiful voice. Sad song.

Doesn't matter if you're black or white.

2010-11-06T00:07:00.004+08:00

Guess what? I'm a bit bored,so gonna do some blogging now. Can't wait for O'Levels to end.I wonder what I will be doing during the holidays,though I think my life will change a bit from then on. Nvm,not going to talk about it. Sometimes hurtful things are better off kept in the lurch,rather than going round and dwelling on it right? Heh. Alright,I really don't know what else to blog about. Just wanna say my Saturday would be probably be at home. Which obviously made me feel depressed times ten. So depressed that i went out on Friday night to have a night walk alone. Couldn't stand it,needed to clear my mind and breathe in some fresh air in the Earth. Well,it's a great walk,a lonely walk in the night.Love the breeze though. How I wish I live near the park,that would be even better. Luckily I got my TV,laptop to accompany me lest I go insane. I guess I'm used to being lonely at home and perhaps that's the way it's meant to be,so just accept it lor. No brother or sister, no choice la. I realised whenever my aunt's at home,I wouldn't talk to my Mum much. But if not,I will talk to my Mum more. I feel like crap whenever I'm in that plight. It really sucks. And I feel like I shouldn't be worrying her even more,so I just keep silent. Whenever I feel lonely,I just turn to Allah,cause' I feel like there's at light at the end of the tunnel. I think I'm just talking to myself here. Before I make more nonsense here,I better leave. Goodbye. Anyway,just a quote;

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.

Depression mounting.

2010-10-31T00:18:00.008+08:00

Take this as a Saturday post. I know I said I'm on hiatus here,but I feel a veritable need for me to let out some emotions here. As far as I'm concerned, a public blog isn't an appropriate place to blog about private stuff,but if I contain it anymore,I think I'll crumble under it all. In fact, I did already. I'm on wits end at a phase of my life. I'm currently juggling between facing my O' Level Exams in the midst of having to look after my Mum.Apparently,she's going to go on an operation in December. And I'm also having financial problems.But anyway,I think my Dad will be able to make it. And I feel guilty that I go tuition,when this money can instead be used to pay off bills etc. Nvm,it's ending soon,in fact the last tuition session is tmr. I don't know if it has been worthwhile. Sometimes I get insecured if I tell what I feel to my friends,because this are my private problems and are never meant to be shared with others. But I was feeling very low. I don't know who to turn to,but I know who,and only One. I feel like there isn't a reason for me to be happy now. Sometimes when I'm out with friends, I tried my best to smile,cause' I don't want to affect others' mood by my mood. Plus,if I don't do well for my O's, what would my parents think of me? That their son has disappointed them? That they have wasted their money on their son? I just feel so empty today,be it from the morning I go to school for consultation to going Cherie's house with Amelia to walking home and being at home. I just don't feel loved by others for a moment,at all. Sometimes I ask,what do I actually need? Perhaps I need more external friends,companions. Perhaps I need help. Perhaps I need more love. Whatever it is,I just want to be happy. And it's definitely not the season to be joyful. I guess I can't go to Prom as my Dad is already complaining abt financial issues & I guess I have to find a job after O's,to help to chip in. Bet everyone's busy mugging. Bye. Why is it always me ?

Blog Hiatus.

2010-10-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

Blog Hiatus Till End Of O' Levels

All the best to all candidates and wish me luck. Too many things in life to care about. Start prioritising.

Look up and find the reasons why.

2010-10-17T00:32:00.008+08:00

So,it's Sunday. By right,it's Saturday. 400th post. I felt very lethargic having to wake up for religious class this morning.As usual,I was late for it by half an hour. I simply dislike taking long bus rides like the one on bus number 15. Long bus rides really make me think a lot and I simply wasn't in the best of mood this morning. Learnt few stuff. Did a lot of reading.Felt better. Then,went Parkway's MacDonalds to do A.Maths,then met Christon for lunch at Banquet. Standard Chartered there is giving out 4 free tickets for people to watch the game between Liverpool and Man U live at Anfield. But they'll lose anyway,but it's still cool. Ate Sweet & Sour sliced fish rice. It's really sweet and sour. Shuttle bus.Bus 28. Home. Tampines Regional Library. Studied with Gracie,Shan Xuan and Shuqi but she left shortly after. Then Gracie. So I studied with Shan Xuan till the library closed. As I was studying,I thought a lot too. I just like the view outside the window,though it makes me think a lot. I guess I'm quite used to the "daily ritual" of staying in the library for long hours. I ask myself a few questions,but they were questions that I couldn't answer. Instead,I was finding an answer from above. I really want to know why. Anyway,went for dinner with her. She made me laugh with her super ridiculous words. Argh. Damn stressed right now. It's like the 'Great Depression' now. And I think I have no hope in English already. Thanks Jasper for the notes! You know, I really wished I had someone to talk about it. It's like I'm all alone on that road,finding my path and so lost. Bye. 8 days.

Just Another Emotional Post.

2010-10-15T01:37:00.009+08:00

Sometimes I feel so confused. About everything. I wonder maybe if I acted differently in those specific moments, everything would be different right now... I act differently around different people. Mind you, I'm not fake. I just have my own comfort zone. That's why I only can completely be myself when I'm with people I'm comfortable with.

Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough...

I'm not going cause' I've been waiting for a miracle and I'm not leaving,I won't let you,let you give up on a miracle,cause' it might save you... I imagined,if one day,I woke up,and I'm not,I would be so happy.But this is the truth,the hurtful truth,and I am. It sucks.But I've been trying to help myself.But I can't.

I'm no sharp cookie but I wish I was.

2010-10-14T00:25:00.001+08:00

- I've fought the battle for close to 2 years already but I've not even conquered it. There's always be someone who will appreciate others more.

Don't look back.

2010-10-12T21:53:00.005+08:00

Two words ; Mentally Drained. Ate lunch with Li Ting & Genghao at Tmart before attending the extra Biology class. Had a few chats and laughed like the old times. Wentt Shop & Save with LT to blow aircon ,LOL cause' it was so hot. Met Michelle along the way,so walked back to school together. Talk about intestinal worms,yuck. Bio lesson was okay. LT made me laugh with her stupid,lame joke. Sperm duct.Quack. -.- Bio consultation with Ms Farhana. Haha,poor boy -.- Then,studied with cherie & kristine. Thanks Kristine for teaching me the integration question. then night study with Dorcas & Yiren. chem consultation with ms gan. she's quite funny. okay no life. blogging has now became one of my methods to relieve stress. it's frightening to see how people are studying so hard. random random. Anyway, I just want to say that I feel morose whenever I think about them. I can't help but to think how we were close friends back then,but then something happened along the way,then we became complete strangers.When I walk past him,he no longer says hello to me,let alone eye contact. Why is he so cold? He's one of my closer malay friends last time,but now? I really shouldn't care if I was disregarded by the malay guys, but i do care. It's like I don't even feel that my presence is acknowledged by them. How do I say it? I'm like...not even acknowledged. Can I just say,I miss the old times? I wish I could back time and fix things. Living life with regrets. I miss our friendship.

18 Chefs

2010-10-11T19:31:00.003+08:00

Been a busy day. And I'm tired. Another busy day tomorrow. Sigh. Spent my morning in the library with Geng Hao & Janet. Biology cracks my brain. I can't believe I teared in front of them because of it. Sorry guys. Something epic occurred along the way haha. Then,went on an outing with the HML people and Cikgu Zakiah. She treated us to 18 Chefs :) Farewell Cikgu...thanks for all the guidance and the treat :) Although you won't read this, thanks for all you've done for me and for not giving up on teaching us all :) Bye,we'll miss you ): Back to studying. The Amazing Rice tonight!

Graduation Ceremony 2010.

2010-10-10T22:24:00.007+08:00

Credits to Jasper,Jun Jie & Kristine for the pictures. I think there's more to come.

Sorry for the late post. Friday marks the Graduation Ceremony for the school's Sec 4 students. Overall,I think the ceremony was a simple one,basically there was the presentation of certificates and pennant to every student,the screening of a couple of videos of well wishes from the various subject and form teachers. I hugged Mrs Wee :) Then,Mr Adrian Lim wanted to hug me -.- So I gave a hug and then Mrs Wee told me that he said I was nice to hug -.- Ms Farhana was so sweet,she shook my hand and told me not to give up on my studies.I'm gonna miss her though,one of the best science teachers I could have ever asked for. There was a lot of photo taking too,and my shirt was flooded. Hate the fact that I have many layers of adipose tissues under my skin due to the accumulation of fats,which in turn reduces body heat loss and causes sweating. grr. I'm so going to miss 4R1' 10 badly. It's where I made a lot of friends. I think next year will change everything completely :x Then Friday go home no house keys,then stuck in void deck for nearly an hr until my dad came and "saved" me. Basically,Saturday was one of most unproductive days. I slept in the afternoon for arnd 2-3 hours and the moment I woke up,everything was dark and creepy.I began to feel scared,empty and felt like tearing. But I didn't want to give in. Basically,I was all alone at home. Sunday ; spent my day out in the library. My brain is officially fried from 15 Chem Chapters,one Amaths paper. And also,one chapter on molecular genetics which I didn't even complete. I can't handle Bio. People fry chicken chop meat,I fry my brain. Okay tired. Looking forward to tml :) Is it the time to feel so low?

With each look in your eyes, the more I think, but the more emotional I get.

2010-10-08T01:08:00.004+08:00

I'm blogging at such an unearthly hour ; I should be sleeping ! But that's because there's no school in the morning as tomorrow marks the Graduation Ceremony. Why must it be on a Friday though? It's such an utter rush for me to be in school by 2.30pm from Friday Prayers. I still can't believe that everything is coming to an end though,but I still hope I keep in touch with my friends very closely after our O's. I realised I have yet to socialise with people whom I've never socialised with. Hmm,time really flies.Time seems to be overpowering ; it's beyond our control. Anyway,there was an A.Maths mock exam today. It's tough but some questions were manageable.When will I ever get that A1 that I desire? Anyway,Yee Ting brought her camera along today and she started taking pictures around. But I won't post unglam pics,I'll just post nice ones,haha. After school,wanted to meet Ms Devi for consultation with the Mo Gu's (Janet & LT), but apparently,we couldn't reach her. Haha,and we started cracking lame jokes out of it. Janet laughs like a witch/hyene I swear and it freaks me out. Do hyenas even laugh? That's a rhetorical question,period. Went MacDonalds for ice cream and burger afterwards.

I can't believe I slept for a complete 2 hrs just now from 6pm to 8pm. And watched Fighting Spiders. I love that show,the video quality is great :) Oh,and I love Amazing Race. too I simply love travelling,though I haven't been to great countries. as far as I'm concerned The only countries I've been to are Malaysia,Thailand and Indonesia which I can't even remember when I visited it. I hope to go travelling one day and venture abroad,one of my life-long dreams :D

Anyway,an incident occurred on Tuesday. A devastating and unexpected one. I guess life comes along like a package,packed with all the great things you can have but also packed along with things that are deemed as uncertainty. But I've had incidents like this a couple of times, about 4-5 deaths.And it's always heartbreaking. Tears can well up in my eyes easily. I learnt a lesson from all these ; start appreciating and treasuring your loved ones and the people around you. Don't hate them, but like them for who they are, and be nice to them even if they were mean to you. After all, we need each other to get ourselves across to the other side of the mountain. I think it's most ideal that we constantly remind ourselves of this. Long post.I'm just pending my thoughts down. In the midst of hustle and bustle, it's good to look back on things in life and reflect on ourselves, to further improve ourselves. Reality check, O Levels are in approximately 17-18 days. And the first paper is English,my most feared subject. Last day of school tomorrow and 2 weeks to O's. I'm so nervous,worried and speechless. I need to do well. I must obtain at least 6 A's and single digit L1R5 ]: I'm feeling the immense pressure that's weighing on me. I must do well,but the main thing is,I must work hard and turn things around in the last lap. Don't know if I'll be blogging anytime soon. It's getting late. Gotta sleep,night ! & All the best in studying for O's to my dear friends. Faith,perseverance and hard work is the key.

The best of people are those who brings about the most benefits to others.

2010-10-05T15:01:00.003+08:00

You want a reason to keep believing that some day you're gonna see the light.

Everyone has a certain level of tolerance and they can attain that level of tolerance until something overflows and spills,and that's when the "flaring up" kicks in. Personally,that's applicable in my life. However, I don't see the reason why when I'm being so nice and concerned about others, they can devise methods to take advantage of me or rather,for granted. So,aren't they portraying a bad reputation right before my eyes? Just because I haven't show my true,vulnerable side yet doesn't mean you can step on my head all the time. Wait,I haven't forget that you like them more than me,just because I'm not. Oh wow,I gave a standing ovation to you for that. I didn't know where you learn it from.And why I distance myself away during recess? Funk it.

You think maybe that I'm just so easy,you can come in and out of my life like you please,but baby,no,don't you know it takes more ?

2010-10-02T00:13:00.008+08:00

So,I'm back. I managed to refrain myself from blogging for more than a week. Main reason is I've been studying,so I don't have time to blog. Besides, the O's are approaching in nearly 24 days.Wait,make it 23. It's Saturday already. Everytime I walk into the school in the morning, I see my days are getting numbered. Thanks cafe. Anyway,on Wednesday, I got caught by Mrs Sundrum for having red laces on my shoes. Then,she reported to Mr Hazmi and then to Mr Ong the OM. Firstly,I don't even know we're only allowed to have white laces on shoes. Blame me for my lack of acquisition of such information. Then,Mr Ong started to make new laces out of TWINES and I requested for him to help me put it on. Then,he said "Wah,have to tahan the smell of the shoe". I almost laughed my head off. Then,he went on to comment on how suitable my shoes were made for walking (luckily,not boots.it's a song title,ok nvm) and guessed it is expensive. Yes of course it is,I want my red laces back,boo. And I still haven't remove the stupid twine laces. No time you see. For the past two weeks or so,I've been staying back in school after lessons for self-studying. Mostly TYS-ing. Done with Chemistry & Biology yearly tys. So,I'm left with Physics TYS,which I have 5 structured papers left to do. And I still got my A&E Maths TYS in which I have only done the last two years. The school gave me a whole stack of A.Maths paper,as though I will be able to complete the 7 sets. I feel like I'm not working hard enough.Sigh. Studying in groups is good though. You have something to laugh at. I can't believe someone did something to me on a particular day. It happened before though. But still. It's a bit freaky...my lips are sealed.Find out yourself even if you're interested. And I find someone being an irritating pest frankly. Lessons on friday were okay,but got pretty moody during friday prayers. went back school to do some studying with kristine and junjie. then went bedok to play soccer with some friends. there were a lot of people there. met new friends. it was great though. i got a lot to learn,but i'll leave it after O's.passed by my primary school too. went home around 7. reached home at 8. stood all the way throughout bus ride. packed like sardines in a can. that reminds me,i have to do spring cleaning in my room again. otherwise,the friends who are visiting my house on sunday will be astounded with the utter mess and stack of papers. another grueling day tml. Won't blog unless I feel there is a need to. Good luck. PS - My tagboard's flooded with stupid comments. Keep it up!! For a moment,I felt like as though things in the past were replicating themselves all over again.

Breaking Point.

2010-09-23T19:01:00.008+08:00

No more talking about results. A borderline pass for Biology.How stupid.I was so broken,disappointed and upset on Tuesday that I threw all my books,notes and papers across my room and flung them all over.My room looked as if the things had been rummaged through. Cried buckets of water. I won't be surprised if I'm the only one in the clique sitting down in the hall on O'Level Results day and the others will be standing with pride and eyes on them. How heartbreaking. This is the feeling of having the dreams that you placed up high,being shattered one by one,time after time gradually.Dreams of obtaining good results,dreams of entering a prestigious college at the end of it. A breaking point. I'm never going to place any hopes from now on,but I will keep believing.

Aku memerlukan pertolongan dari-Mu. Aku tidak boleh melalui ini semua tanpa Mu.

worlds apart.

2010-09-18T15:47:00.014+08:00

I feel so remorseful. I tried very hard.Tried damn hard to let go.But it isn't working. My brain is all filled with those thoughts. Very hard to forget.Why are my eyes so watery now.,thinking about friendship.Must control. I only ended up hurting myself.Long-lasting affinity I need. ): Why am I crying so much. Bye.All alone in the house for hours.Heart-wrenching Saturday.

night after night,i hear myself say 'why can't this feeling just fade away'.

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation,you build up all the failures all you've known, remember all the sadness and frustration and let it go

2010-09-17T20:31:00.020+08:00

Soccer first. Woke up at 3am.Watched match.Liverpool won Steaua Bucharest 4-1 in the Europa League yesterday. Joe Cole scored his first goal,Ngog scored a brace and Lucas had a goal too (unexpected) . good job done by The Reds. Had another great day.Woke up,breakfast,rushed off for Friday Prayers. Hated the downpour.There wasn't as many people as there were compared to last week.Probably because of the rain.Stayed awhile for some time in the mosque after prayers.To do something :x I love Maher Zain's songs.They lift me up. Then rushed off for badminton at Tampines Sports Hall with Gracie,Atika & her housemate.Great badminton game. Then rushed off again for bowling with Liting,JunJie & Jasper at eHub. Had a great chat with LT on our way there. So we played 2 games. I tied with LT,with Jasper 2nd and Junjie 1st. Then 2nd game,LT got last,Jasper 3rd,Me 2nd and Junjie 1st. It's comical to see the three women playin' bowling.Couldn't stop laughing.I hope they don't know we were laughing at them! Went for dinner with Jasper.Then home. Bus ride home was a nuisance.Don't like it when all the Malay boys and girls start making stupid noises and all like as though it's their grandfather's bus. This is one of the reasons why...Okay I'll not say it. Anyway,I looked through some of the old photos I took with my friends last year and this year. I can't help but to feel sad when I look at how so many things have changed ]: Don't like being at home now. Need i say more? Bye weekdays.Here comes boring weekends. I got no choice. I'm forced to. He wants it that way. I have to. Sometimes I ask myself "Do they hate me?". What happened to the old us.i feel sad because of it. / I want a 360 degree turn in my life.My problem isn't nothing like yours. It's permanent,staying long with me.i cried.

Self-inflicted.

2010-09-16T22:27:00.014+08:00

Love this pic the most

I'm the tallest! and fattest too...

Today was great :) Went on an outing with Liting,Kristine & Jun Jie.Had lunch first at Bugis followed by indulging in ice cream! Cream & cookies ice cream! Thanks Kristine for the Hershey chocs! Ice skating was awesome,although tiring.Brr.An oink fell on the ice with a scream.Thanks peeps for the great day! To someone,although I know you won't read this,press on.You'll be able to pull through.I really don't know how to help you everytime I hear your problems.Keep on believing and persevere.Family problems,one after the other.Seize the opportunity. I hope I am able to. When there's a will,there's a way. To say that I was treated unfairly,isn't even a doubt anymore.

Remedy for the broken heart.

2010-09-15T22:40:00.006+08:00

End Of Prelims. It has been a long and tough journey. And it's not even the real test.The real battle is coming in about 40 days' time.Go and get your armour~ Battlefield. Don't know how I will fare for Prelims. But I did studied hard I guess. It's miraculous I was able to cover 25 Chemistry chapters in just two days with a 2.5hr tuition on that day. Say goodbye to the restless,tough mugging nights for now...till don't know when. Thanks for keeping me around with the constant jokes and laughter or whatever it is although I know I was going bonkers. Suffering from sleep deprivation. After chem paper,went to play badminton and table tennis. Hot. Must cherish time spent with friends.Going to be over sooner or later before you know it. I never laughed so much after a long time,today. Don't know what I was laughing at anyway. I need a haircut.Like some pile of bushy carpet grass pasted on top of the head.Feel heavy.Plus Im heavy already.Joke. H.a.h.a im not even laughing. so funny. haaaaaa...chew. Feel bored already. I don't like it when people dao or ignore when I say something to them,especially if they're close to you. Bye.

I miss...

Impeccable.

2010-09-12T00:06:00.008+08:00

Love my shades :)

Hari Raya was great. Love the delicacies,the sambal prawns,the lontong goreng.On top of it all,most importantly,meeting the ones I love and where I came from. Love my family. Period. Currently,I'm really on a stress fight with academics in view of the Prelims next week.Don't wanna screw any of the papers. Don't feel like going Jasper's birthday party due to certain reasons.Sorry Jasper...but I'll still turn up for it. Anyway,since it's Sunday already,happy birthday Jasper! Thank God the US pastor didn't carry out the plan of burning the Qur'an. If not,I'll be so pissed pftt. Why must Christians and the Islamic people be in some kind of conflict? :x Ironic. BPL started today after quite a break.Didn't manage to watch the Man Utd match properly. Man Utd vs Everton 3-3 Arsenal Won Bolton 4-1 Chelsea Won West Ham 3-1 Good games. I'll stick to Liverpool no matter what. I like a team not because of their winnings or losses but rather the passion and interest which I have that burns for the club.Just sayin' in view of what happened. I'll stick to what I've said in the previous Sunday post. Honestly,I can tell something's going on behind my back.Sixth sense.

I don't need your sympathy.You can go and have fun with your dear friends,so long as you're happy. You lead your life and I'll lead mine. If I were to see you in school,I'll either put on a mask and be a faker or just be happy with you. & if you don't like the way i blog or think that it's stupid of me to be emo everyday,then suck it up seriously. i didn't ask you to like me anyway. I'll just be a faker then. If you think I'm pathetic in being a faker,suck it up.

Wow.I said that.I'm still learning the art of being a faker.Wait,I'm one already.Wow.I love fakers.Fakers rule! Time to study. Night.

At the end of a storm,there's a golden sky.

Ramadhan kini tinggal,Hari Raya pula menjelma.

2010-09-10T01:59:00.015+08:00

Been a busy week. Tuesday-Went out with Gracie,Atika,Genghao to Clarke Quay & Esplanade.It was great.Love the night life there.Had supper at MacD before reaching home at around 12am. Thursday-Tuition in the morning. Had some tuition changes,some people quit.After shopping,went to do 'shopping' with Junjie & Genghao.For a moment,I thought I was doing grocery shopping. Ramadhan left.Hari Raya arrived.So sad. No more breaking fast at 7pm plus and no more waking up at 4.30am to eat. I believe I've done good deeds over the past month but I feel like it's still not enough.Never have I prayed that much in the month. Anyway,I read a Yahoo! article which mentions about some U.S. pastor planning to burn the Islamic bible to mark the anniversary of the Sep. 11 attacks. Angelina Jolie rebelled against it. Why are they doing such things ? ): And I don't get why some of the Islamics bomb places and carry out terrorist attacks to uphold the religion. That's not the way to do it... Why am I talking about this? Such a sensitive issue. I lazy go out tml. Bummer. Hari Raya's getting abit boring. Must wake up early like 7am some more.Grr. Tired. I'm busy but I'm free.Get it? Conclusion,I'm free. Sian. I want to sleep alr.So late,2.37am to be exact. Night. Anyway. Selamat Hari Raya!

I've failed to understand you,I'm sorry. My heart still does...I can't accept the hurtful truth.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky And I'll make a wish Take a chance Make a change And breakaway Out of the darkness and into the sun But I won't forget all the ones that I love I'll take a risk Take a chance Make a change And breakaway (Y) ~

It feels so good to feel nothing,nothing,nothing.

2010-09-06T18:02:00.001+08:00

Charice's songs are nice .

Broken promises.

2010-09-05T22:37:00.008+08:00

Sunday Used com,youtub-ing all the malay songs. watch TV with my mum and dad. my dad being the nonchalant one,was sleeping infront of the TV whereas my Mum and me cried over one of the malay dramas.like really cried. and i am not the type who will cry over such dramas. but i guess i can somehow relate to it and feel it,so we both just kinda cried.pretty mushy and embarrassing. i enjoy having someone to talk to in the house. then slept from 4.30pm to 7pm. suddenly Atika called. -.-' chatted and stuff.then she randomly said 'have fun breaking fast'. Random ttm. break fast with Mum. tried the delicacies. very nice. love the cookie-like food,the cornflakes(!!) and the pineapple tarts. then went out with Mum and Aunt to tampines mall and century square. My Aunt bought a necklace or something. then she treated me to Long John Silvers. so nice of her :) last night i walked her back home,cause' it was pretty dark heh. had chats and stuff. reached home at around 10.20pm. I want to be frank. Family are so much better than friends. Some friends backstab you,betray your trust,leave you in the lurch,unlike family,who is always there to give support. My Mum can really tell whether I'm happy or not. Unlike my friends,who simply,aren't conscious and some may be self centred. I don't need your sympathy.You can go and have fun with your dear friends,so long as you're happy. You lead your life and I'll lead mine. If I were to see you in school,I'll either put on a mask and be a faker or just be happy with you. & if you don't like the way i blog or think that it's stupid of me to be emo everyday,then suck it up seriously. i didn't ask you to like me anyway. I'll just be a faker then. If you think I'm pathetic in being a faker,suck it up. I can't help but to break down and cry. & I am talking about two whole complete things. It has nothing to do with what happened recently.

Bawaku terbang dan Menggegar Dunia di bersama Aidilfitri

2010-09-05T14:23:00.006+08:00

Alone on a Sunday. What's going on in my life? Seriously.I'm so sick and tired of being sick & tired.Rashid,get a life. Things change,and people change.

save the title.

2010-09-04T22:08:00.004+08:00

Today was just another unproductive day.Not in terms of how much schoolwork or revision I did,but in terms of how much I did in a day.

Religious class in the morning.I like the way my teacher brings up certain issues in the society. Went Marine Parade Library for awhile. Read Torres's autobiography for awhile.Went home,reached at 3pm. Slept all the way till 7pm. Break fast. Used computer. Watch TV. How unproductive and how boring. There's no one in the house since 7.45pm... I feel so bored and lonely. Sometimes I just wish I have an elder brother so I'll have someone to look up to or spend time with in the house. Mum went out with aunt.Father works.Me? Alone and bored. I can no longer depend on others to have fun. Everyone's busy with their lives;going out in the night,doing school work,spending time with their own families,rejecting my suggestions,not interested to talk to me. Sunday? What's Sunday when you don't go out? Can someone just ask me out. Gonna turn on Mio and watch some sports or racing.See if my boredom will fade away. No BPL till next Saturday.Liverpool match next Sunday! Bye.

Do you see how much I need you right now, When you're gone, The pieces of my heart are missing you, When you're gone, The face I came to know is missing too, When you're gone, The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok,

September

2010-09-03T22:29:00.013+08:00

I have so many things to say.I'll start off with good ones first. Elective Geography Prelim paper today.I think it's okay though. Stayed back to finish up the testimonial. Went to watch "Vampire Sucks" after the paper,with a group of friends. Went Friday Prayers first.Totally had no mood to go.I feel very draggy whenever I had to attend it nowadays.I am losing hope and faith.Sigh. Furthermore,my state of hunger didn't help at all.People who aren't fasting,can easily lament they're hungry.What about me then? Before the movie started,I was very upset. When people ask if I was okay,I had no choice but to tell the truth.No. The movie is retarded,idiotic and...idiotic. No wonder it's NC16.Super retarded.6 bucks poof. Nevertheless,I laughed crazily. Home.Sleep.Had a vision or a dream.Whatever. September holidays. Not looking forward to Hari Raya.Just want to stay at home. My parents bought the Hari Raya clothes already and the delicacies. My Mum insisted on me inviting my friends to my house. Anyone,Chinese,Malay,all are welcome~ I love strawberry puddings & drink made yesterday which consists of Seven-Up & mixed fruits. Bad stuff now. Last year,I realised I can mingle well with people.I'm happy,normal.

But this year,I changed alot. I no longer know how to socialize. I get upset,moody,jealous,frustrated easily in outings with friends. Sometimes I do get the point.But I'm no paper doll you can use and throw away as and when you like. Hate my body. Hoping for something great to happen. T.G.I.F

There can be miracles When you believe Though hope is frail Its hard to kill Who knows what miracles You can achieve When you believe Some how you will You will when you believe

In the middle of September we'd still play out in the rain Nothing to lose but everything to gain Reflecting now on how things could've been It was worth it in the end

Memory lane.

2010-09-02T16:32:00.009+08:00

Been' 3 days since I last blogged.It felt like a week though,maybe because of all the studying.

Tuesday was exhausting.Teacher's Day "concert" in school.Laughed like crazy over stuff.ACES programme. Went back my primary school after accompanying the rest for lunch. Took bus 65 from the Clearwater condominium.Really brings back alot of memories in the bus ride. Saw about half of the class came back.Wow,still after 4 years some more.I miss the canteen,everything actually. Managed to interact with my malay,science and form/maths teachers,and of course my friends :) My malay teacher still looks the same,really enjoyed her lessons last time.That's why my malay grades were great last time,more like motivational in that sense. They expect us to come back in JC uniform next year.Right. Nice chat with teachers. I so miss the canteen food/drinks.Sadly,the timing was wrong.Gosh. & the school got ppl play soccer.Actually my friend (not classmate) invited me to play,but didn't bring extra shirt and i'm too tired already plus my main purpose is to catch up with classmates,not to play. mingled around,went back up to old classroom on 4th floor.memories sia. crapped around. this is the most annoying part. TUITION. i was damn tired in the bus back.mind not at peace. suffered through tuition.hungry,thirsty,sleepy,lazy to do work.but managed to persevere finally had bubble tea after tuition :p Today's Bio paper was a F.A.I.L. But I studied hard for it,though. A.Maths paper 1 was okay.I thought it's easier than MYE.but i think i made alot careless mistakes.just hope i get 64. Paper 2 will be a killer. Now I'm hungry & sleep-deprived.I wonder how I get all the patience to persevere through the stress and hunger.I know where I got it from though. Above. ^^ My brain now all eroded of brain cells by hydraulic action,abrasion,attrition blabla.Deforestation,botak already.Ok lame. I probably should be studying now.But I'm hungry,tired,sleepy. I Can Do It! Can't wait for tmr.The day I'll get to say T.G.I.F... after Geog paper. Wants to do things that I want to do.But always ended up as missed opportunies,one by one.

Every night.Every day.Every moment. But do you know? Cause' I really do. You won't understand,you probably won't accept me if you find out the truth.

T.G.Y.W.N.T

2010-08-30T23:20:00.011+08:00

If you can't be honest with me,then I am afraid this is the end Hurry up Hurry up.. If you ever really care about me... Tell the truth,Give it up...

I don't really know what to blog,but I feel like it.Anticipating for September holidays. I guess I regretted doing some things.That's why I am trying to study to distract myself from thinking about all the things.But it's always there.Confessions? I'm happy during lunch today,gosh I haven't laughed so much since abcdefg days.All my friends' fault lah XD Prelims have been okay so far.Perhaps Thursday will ruin it.Bye.

Unbelievable.

2010-08-28T00:48:00.004+08:00

Why do I always feel so unlucky? Some things are better left unsaid,so I'm just going to zip up.

Say goodbye, say goodbye to the way I was before

2010-08-26T20:11:00.004+08:00

Day One of Prelims.A tiring one.HML papers were okay I think.Hope I do well,please. Thanks Zulaiha for lending me malay stuff.Oops cannot use stuff,later english composition use,then Mdm Yanti angry -.- Thanks Genghao,Yiren for making me laugh in library today.Thanks LT for returning back my correction tape.Thanks Christon for letting me photocopy your english notes.Learnt new english words too.Singapore football team won bronze medal for YOG! Nice game against Montenegro 4-1. Very good. YOG ends today.so fast.Everything is moving fast.Before I know it,it's O'Levels. Wish me luck for EL papers tmr,just hope I scrap a B3 :x

Just The Way You Are < 3

2010-08-25T23:16:00.008+08:00

So,I guess tomorrow marks the start of my school's Preliminary Examinations.The first paper that I'll be taking is Higher Malay.I admit I'm not one who's good in the subject,but I'm trying my best to get a good grasp of the subject.I memorised 125 proverbs till I'm about to drop :x In the end,only 5 will be tested.Wish me luck for tomorrow,anyway. I'm taking a break now.Youtube-ing is probably the only thing I can think of as a break. Jasper mocked Jordin Sparks during lunch today.Grr.I prefer Kelly Clarkson anyhoo :) Thanks Genghao for accompanying me during recess in class. Love talkin' to you :D I love home cooked food.Nothing beats it.I like that my Mum always prepare a cup of hot milk tea for breakfast meal,especially the froth on the surface. Today's dinner was home cooked chicken rice.Oh gosh,my stomach is grumbling. I'll probably get back to Malay and then to Social Studies/Biology :x Suffer now.Enjoy later.Nice. I need all the time I can have...

The Truth Yet To Be Known

2010-08-24T20:18:00.004+08:00

Written By Chris Daughtry :)

I realised I have been too sensitive and expect highly of others.I'm sorry if I've ever done wrongdoings to any.I'm trying to be a better person.I believe all these experiences will make me more aware of the world I'm in;it's part of growing up.Once again,forgive me. I will try my best not to repeat the same mistakes again.

Don't forget to leave my heart

2010-08-23T22:12:00.015+08:00

How true. Happiness is the sweetest revenge.Study session with Junjie,Kristine,Janet,Yiren was fruitful.Laughed alot,talked alot,witnessed lightning strikes,gossiped,ridiculous antics and more.Sky was dark today.How expressive.Ps Kristine,Yiren and few others for the embarrassing moment I did in Bio Lab.Shouldn't have showed my face.Finding ways to vent out my sadness.Trying to study really hard.I see progress.ss,bio,hml.

Not even the happiest of moments could supersede the smallest of disappointments

2010-08-22T13:34:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kala,aku menganggap hidup ini sebagai satu untaian ombak yang bergulung dan kemudian berkecai di pantai.Namun,aku berpendapat seseorang itu perlu menaruh sikap yang positif terhadap hidup. Aku amat kecewa dengan sikap seseorang itu.Mungkin aku berfikir terlalu lebih.Namun,aku merasakan seakan khadiranku tidak diperlu di sisinya lagi.Aku mahu meluahkan segala isi hatiku kepadanya,namun aku tidak sanggup melihat reaksinya terhadap itu. Mengapalah aku berasa keseorangan dan sepi di rumah? Aku mahu seorang adik,atau seorang abang agar aku tidak berasa kesepian. Tetapi,ia sudah ditakdirkan.Aku sering bergantung kepada sahabatku kerana aku percaya mereka akan setia kepadaku.Akan tetapi,apa harus aku buat apabila mereka mengkhianati persahabatan ini? Biarlah ini rahsia...yang tersirat jauh di dalam lubuk hatiku kerana meluahkannya semua tidak akan sedikit pun membantuku. Separuh jiwaku pergi.Aku menanti hari itu di mana aku akan melupakan segala perkara tentangmu dan seperti engkau tidak wujud di dalam hidupku. Selamat Tinggal. My thoughts.

Desolate prospects

2010-08-21T23:56:00.013+08:00

I realized I always procrastinate when it comes to blogging.I'm just too lazy to say out everything. Here it goes again...

Thursday was the day where I went back home straight after school for the first time,after so many days.Friday morning.Watched Liverpool play against Trabzonspor online.Thanks Kristine for accompanying me to watch at that really unearthly hour.Christon "overslept".Notice the quotation marks.Really had sleep deprivation. Now I starting to remember a couple of names of liverpool players.

PE was boring.Watch people play basketball.Last lesson,yay? friday prayers went alone,as usual.felt very sian. at first,there was this sec 2 guy who kind of followed me but in the end,he went with other sec 3 guys -.- i think is due to my unfriendly nature -.- i mean,what can i talk about?

was late than usual.went back to school.met syafiq,irfan and another malay guy,forgot his name.talk with syafiq on the bus about npcc,school life etc.went back school with them.studied with kristine and junjie at 3rd floor bench.really thirsty and hungry,and sleepy.it was raining.gloomy aura.random-ed with both of them alot.jj wanted to play table tennis -.- then they left,studied with yiren but most of the time,i daydream away.

When I was packing my bag and YR went to the toilet,Mr Adrian Lim came and talk to me -.-"

He talked to me about lots of stuff;National Service(my deadly future),studies,revision,universities,the importance of going to a good college,his school life,Ramadhan for a whole of 45 minutes.WOW.Then he also talked about his favourite football club which I guessed correctly.Arsenal LOL. He was kind of disappointed when I mentioned I like Liverpool.Then he talked about the 1989 game and saying how he likes soccer in his secondary years.But he's okay to talk to.It made me stressful but I think I've been getting alot of wake-up calls this week. sent off yiren to 201 bus stop.saw R7 malay guys.they said hi to me lol.random.

Saturday.Religious class.I reached the Safra bus stop.Bus no. 15 was infront.When I alighted,the bus went off.Late for class by half an hour.I'm always late for it anyway.Learnt meaningful stuff,perception and blabla.nice.not going religious camp which is today and tmr lolz,lazy go.

Oh ya,the bus ride.I was seating next to the window so I was basically daydreaming away as usual.I know someone sat beside me but I was totally unaware of everyone around me.I was in my own world back then.Suddenly,a voice spoke to me. "Hi Rashid".I turned to my right and I had a paiseh moment.My malay primary school friend Idris sat beside me.Was very close with him last time.Went his grandmother house,play game,talk on phone for hours,study together,joked alot too.I was like mygosh i didn't even know someone so close and someone i knew,sat beside me. i was like sorry sorry-.-talked alot.but then still not enough.no choice,had to leave for class.

after class,went marine parade library.did abit of studying.Idris was there -.- ok then i went up,wanting to say hi and bye to him.suddenly i saw another one of mymalay primary school friend,fiqah.she walk past me -.- then i waved to her then she waved back with a smile -.- haha then i sms idris,joke -.- met christon to go home with him,as usual. then something happen again.Saw another primary school friend,Pu De -.- all three classmates sia. talked abit with him blabla.and the thing is we took the same bus lol. i think he changed alot in physical appearance.last time he got this baby face in primary school.now his hair nice lol.ok i met him like twice last year and only now then i say it.what a bizarre encounter today. went to study with gracie at whitesands mac. saw few ppl. rebekah lol. bus ride home was a dream. slept in the bus and everything was dark,ok abit,cuz around 7pm.then like so sleepy,gloomy feeling.i duno how explain.

type so much already.poor english really. Time to hit the books.

I believe it is paramount for one to appreciate the friends that he or she has.One should learn to accept,show concern to those who care about him or her,and not neglect him or her.Just food for a thought.

Been' 3 months & I'm still sober...

a barren routine.

2010-08-19T17:23:00.004+08:00

This week has been really dry.I've never felt so...nevermind.Yesterday was the release of the MT O' Level Results.It reminded me of the time when I received mine in January.It was exactly a repetition,everything.But at the same time,it has always made me demoralised,even till now.Anyway,congrats to those who have done well and to those who felt disappointed,try harder,there's a second time around.i felt bad because i didn't know how to make my friends feel better when they cried etc.all i can do is just sit by their side.Went to study with kristine,genghao,junjie. Oh ya, on tuesday during hml lesosn,i found out amirah was sick and at hospital ): Get well soon!

Then had nice talk with atika seokpheng.then halfway through yiren started fooling around.epic.then had chit chat session with genghao yiren gracie.went off to simei eastpoint to have dinner with parents.then they bought me a pair of adidas shoes.my mum insisted on it.they bought me a liverpool jersey wow,but not the $99 type.it's only like $50+.they're being so nice to me idk why. reached home at 10pm.School hasn't been any fun.No.I feel like fasting somehow has made me feel "separated". I guess I've eventually came to a point where I bottled it all up and broke down.I don't know why all this is happening )': perhaps it's discovered. perhaps i am hated.but it isn't my choice.

when you're stuck at the crossroads

2010-08-16T19:41:00.014+08:00

School was a bore,but I'll still talk about it anyway. Came school as per normal,went to class.Kristine talked to me and asked about the Liverpool & Arsenal match.I have poor memory.Couldn't remember alot of things.But frankly,yesterday's Liverpool match was exhilarating and adrenaline-rush.I was hoping for Liverpool to win but Reina made a blunder.Wasted,but at least it's a draw.Nice match.The atmosphere's great.First Liverpool match I watched.Before the match,I watched abit of baseball and motor racing.Motor racing looks scary especially when they turn round a curb.Baseball needs a lot of accuracy and quick moves.

Pawandip didn't come school again.Er due to some reason,don't want to say it here.EL lesson was boring.Made a clear-cut decision for myself. Bio test.Didn't study much.Don't know. HMT lesson.Did a test.Easy for me.Physics lesson was worse,felt moody.Assembly;MJC talk.Felt pissed. Lunch with the rest(didn't eat) go school study blablah.Really in no mood for studying.80 more days of suffering. Just wish I get a single digit for O'Levels so that people won't stoop so low to me and make them open up their eyes for once.

I did what I could.Impossible? Yes. I've made a decision because you led me to it and you helped to bring it about.Sacrifices?But why still? I will still regret it and eventually turn my back on it.But do I have a choice? Nothing I do ever seems right for you.So why is this heart caring so much for YOU? Why...

2010-08-15T00:46:00.003+08:00

One of the best Malay songs out there.

Random Pictures

2010-08-15T00:05:00.018+08:00

Are you seduced?

Little Piggie asking for pork.

What's she looking at?

LaPORKannya

Oxpork University for Dumb Kids

Liting's dear sharkie.

Random Pictures.Enjoy. Religious class today.Dunno where all the chairs go.went home with christon.tampines mall.Nothing much,sleep all day.Didn't study.I hate the post effects of afternoon naps.Didn't really watch soccer matches.Too many. YOG Opening ceremony nice.better than ndp in my opinion.tabitha performed.nice fire at the end.go singapore (how lively).Nobody want to study with me... ): Bye. Hope my Mum's okay. How to be well-liked?

But why only now then? How do I say?

2010-08-14T00:02:00.008+08:00

Exhausting day of school.PE lesson.i accidentally stepped on a snail and the shell cracked.Sorry snail! Had height and weight.Weight keep up and down,very irritating.Height still the same.Had abit of R1 captain ball.less than like 3mins? lol.Pawandip didn't come school.Sick.I got letter from Health Promotion Board to go for appointment.How?! Practiced alot of oral during lessons.English Oral 'O' Level Exam.Don't know how well I fare.I think Picture Discussion was the component that frightened me,don't know if my interpretation made sense.Just hope for the best.Done my best and let God do the rest.Waiting for the exam was nerve-racking.Furthermore,the examiners look 'menacing',but when I came to them,I think they were okay. After school,went to play badminton with Geng Hao,JunJie,Christon,Kristine at Tampines Sports Hall.No space,fully booked.Then,'sneaked' in and played awhile until one woman "chased" us out.So we played outside.Like some despo. But not fail i guess. Geng Hao & Christon started making weird sounds while playing. Video on Kristine's blog.I started saying Jun Jie was walking at a speed tantamount to that of Ms Devi along the grassy areas -.- Kristine was complaining of how hungry she was.Sweated profusely.Had blisters on feet.Felt very very very thirsty and hungry.Don't know how I managed to endure it,with people drinking water and eating in front of me (Y) After badminton,went to break fast with them except JJ.Saw some R2 guys and R6 guy joshua while going up to buy food at Century Sq lol.Felt so full after eating.Dunno why.Took bus 28 with Kristine home. Reached home,gulped down like 1.5litres of bandung i think.damn thirsty. I want 'O' Levels to end quickly.Studying = Stu~~dent~~ + Dying. Youth Olympic Games & Barclays Premier League starts tomorrow. No feeling. i wonder when we graduate,will we still keep in touch? Will we meet up,laugh and talk like how we used to? I'm thinking too much again. Exams sucks. take a risk,take a chance,make a change and breakaway~ tell me why it had to be.

2010-08-12T19:52:00.005+08:00

Watched England VS. Hungary match yesterday at 4am on Mio Channel.At first,England was losing but Gerrard saved the day by scoring two consecutive goals for England.Nice goals~ Night prayer yesterday was okay but tiring. Demoralising day.Demoralised over so many things ; EL Oral,personal stuff blabla. What's the point of studying when all I do is keep screwing up and screwing up? Waste my bloody efforts.I screwed up so many things. Sometimes I wish I graduate faster.Sometimes I don't want to. I can't believe I broke down over studies and relationships just now.Furthermore,my lips and face looked pale when I reached home. I'm so tired.Exhausted.Running low on self-esteem.

Why I care so much when nothing will come out of it? tell me why am i born like this. i never asked for this.i don't want to be like this.can't my life just turn around completely?! i don't wanna be.i don't want.but i can't do anything about it.

Why are you so...extraordinary?

2010-08-11T19:56:00.004+08:00

Woke up at 4am to eat for fasting.Fasting was okay,I was able to persevere through :) But I couldn't do the E.Maths test,had a terrible mind block.Need someone to teach me probability,I just can't do probability.After school,went to accompany Liting,Genghao,Christon for lunch.Then,went back to school library to study with them.Taught Chris abit of Malay for his oral.I was low on spirit halfway through because he said something mean,but I learnt to forgive because I can't be bothered over petty stuff -.- Genghao lost his umbrella when he put it outside the library .The umbrella I shared with him :x Liting was like facebooking on my phone.Oink. Busy week.or rather,day,and tmr,and tmr. To go night prayer later or not to? I think I should go.Confide.Bye. I feel inferior everytime.Being close hurts so much but being distant also hurts so much.Isn't there a way out?

A dose of latte & cyclobutane.

2010-08-10T22:25:00.005+08:00

Look at my title above hah.Today was just wake up in the morning feeling so shitty,replied smses,bathe,breakfast,tuition from 1.30-3.30pm,studying at Tampines Regional Library,dinner at CS and more studying at Teadot and laughters with Gracie,Atika & her housemate.Anyway,I didn't even realise I got 2 messages and 2 missed calls when I was lying in the bed this morning,was sleeping and didn't hear anything.Sorry Jun Jie. So after tuition,had lunch with Cherie & JJ.I was silent most of the time,awkward :s then they waited for the yog torch relay event while i headed off to study with Gracie at TRL.Anyway,I found out something while talking to Atika,don't know if that was a secret,but it's quite hurtful to know. I can't believe I crack a stupid joke in CS foodcourt ._. Is it even a joke?! Anyway,fruitful study session cause' I studied Alkanes,Alkenes,did chem yearly/topical tys mcq,chem wb.Over dosage of chemistry :) Ramadhan tomorrow! I'm excited.I'm going to fast for one full month,I hope.No badmouthing,no bad talking about people and purify oneself.Talked about some plans with Atika for this month.Really tight-packed month O: Nvm,with strong faith,we can :D Thanks Atika & Gracie for studying when I had no one to study with :) I think I'm starting to focus on my studies now and I hope to do it till O's.Can't afford to not get 6 A's ): Gonna continue studying.Goodnight readers. Don't wanna be reminded of the stuff that happened.Forgive,forget,lock it up,delete and vanish.

Infinite Disappointment

2010-08-10T00:34:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore! Had Family Gathering today at Costa Sands Resort,in celebration of my 8-year old female cousin's birthday.Every year kind of thing.Fun time with family and relatives.Ate BQQ chicken wings,sambal stingray (my favourite!). Played soccer too at Pasir Ris Park,fun! Wanna play more.I love to kick the ball high-high. Some people flew kites and they got stuck on trees.F to the A to the I to the L. Sunset was nice,got jet aircrafts flew past.National Day what. I played with sparklers too,that explains the pictures above. Watched abit of NDP Parade at the chalet and abit of IP man also. Reached home around 11pm. My parents finally subscribed to the Mio Sports channels,yay. Nothing else.Goodbye. If I told you Could you live with that If I told you I couldn't live with that No... trying to like myself but at the same time,hate myself. wet pillows. wet eyes.

Some pages turned,some bridges burned,but there were lessons learned.

2010-08-09T01:50:00.016+08:00

Woah.It's been almost a week since I last blogged.A really busy week I had.Right now,I am trying to remember the stuffs that I did in the past week.Tough,but I'll try.Anyway,I think I'll start talking about my family first.Heh.Sorry for lengthy post.

My parents have been really nice to me this week.I really gotta thank them but I don't know how to show my gratitude.I mean,I seriously don't.All I say is thanks and that's it.Recently they bought me a pair of Lott0 shoes,costing around 45 dollars.It's really nice.It's red,white and black-coloured.I love it :) Also,they got the living room painted now light and dark orange,love it.My room is painted that colour too,two shades of orange.It's much better compared to the purple of the living room and the blue of my room last time.Also,I think I haven't mention they got me a cupboard to store my stuff.And they bought DURIANS. I love DURIANS,for now :D It has this nice,unique taste.But it reminds me of something,yuck.I had a family lunch today at home,with my aunt.Somehow managed to chat with my aunt about her working life since she started to recently.It's quite comical.Not surprised there are flirts out there.

Now I'll talk about school life.I admit I have been diverting a lot of focus and attention from my studies,and it's beginning to get to me.I really got to focus now.Now isn't the right time to slack.I'm really worried about what the results may turn out to be.Furthermore,the results of one subject has already been determined,and it really demoralizes me.I'm pretty much worried about all my subjects,especially my languages. But I guess I'll just work hard.I must.Tuesday was a busy day.After school,I accompanied Kristine for physics consultation with Mr Tan.Asked a few structured questions.Then I got to go for tuition right away.Helped to buy waffles for Cherie,Junjie and myself.It was pretty mad rush.Tuition's really tiring.A lot of TYS doing,dated back to 1970s,sigh.I hope it's all worth it in the end.Home at 7.30 pm ):

Thursday-It was such a busy day.I think I screwed up Physics SPA.Oh for crying out loud.Wait,it's C.O.L.Then I had to sit for an A.Maths mock exam which got me really moodless even before the exam.Geng Hao who was sitting behind me,was banging the table a lot-.- I was quite amused but was like WTF lol.Then,after the exam,the correction tape Christon used was epic fail.The whole thing became a lawyer's wig.I couldn't stop laughing about it.Then what happened next was even worse.There's this school attendant you know the aunty,she started going 'pok pok keh,chickens' and laughed to herself.Then on the bus ride home,I kept smiling to myself.Gosh.

Friday-Had NDP celebration.There was a talk by a member of the NATAS.Climbing Mountain Everest really takes a lot of determination and effort.I don't know how they do it.Amazing accomplishment. Then,my class went to some kindergarten in Tampines. to explain the significance of the flag and ask them to sign on the postcards.I know that area a bit,been around there before.The kids are so cute.Love them-.-Made them dance along to 'Reach out for the skies'.I don't really like the year of that song.Some stuff.Hate it. School ended early. Then went to Tampines 1 Kopitiam to have lunch with friends.Yi Ren broke the zip of my wallet ._. Slack awhile at T1.Went for Friday Prayers.Nice.Then went back to school for english oral consultation.Mdm Yanti gave a 10 for reading aloud,saying she wanted to give 11 but don't want.then picture she said she gave 7 0r 8 -.- Gotta practice my oral hard.

Then went badminton with Kristine & Li Ting.Thanks for playing :) Played at SAFRA.Very fun :) Sweated alot,felt my face was burning.But ironically,my legs didn't ache nor did my hands.But I got a blister on the same finger AGAIN.The skin got cut off.Ouch.Pain.Slacked at the lobby afterwards.Went roaming around the SAFRA area awhile.The girls started to use Facebook and internet on my phone while I rot in boredom -.- Sent Li Ting off to T1 then back home at around 7.30pm.

Saturday-Went religious class as usual.Bus rides were very long.Relief teacher came,very bored.I learnt that we shouldn't think bad about people and misunderstand them.We should instead accept them.Anyway,went to pray at mosque then went to relative's house.Ate Chicken Briyani with them.Relaxed awhile.Played soccer with Faiz & Farhan.Fun :) Then went to play 'Blind Mice' at playground and got my poor head banged. Ouch.Damn pain la.It's like walk walk,then BANG.My sense of touch fail sia.Anyway,it was fun.Then they go buy these bomb packets,the ones you have to throw then step then the thing explode -.- Then in the lift,they go put on the floor then BOOM.It's like suicidal please,damn stupid.Went to study with Gracie & Atika at Tmart after that.Then home.

Sunday-One of the bad days I had.Met Genghao and walked with him.Had nice chats and random moments.Took pictures too. Thanks Genghao :)

Anyway today there was some YOG torch relay near my primary school and Eunos CC.My primary school friend was part of it,so cool.

Hopefully there'll be a better tomorrow. Frankly,is it just me that I felt some people changed their attitude towards me? Okay,it's late already.Goodnight.

a problem that stays long with me.live with it then,albeit it was fated.

KBox,Tapestry

2010-08-02T17:42:00.013+08:00

I haven't blog for four days.Wow.Okay,I forgot what happened the past week.

Friday-PE lesson was funny.Alot things happened.Tried out the gym less than 5mins.Ok rather awkward and paiseh.Can't remember what happened next.Thanks Kristine for Ndp biscuits.Still haven't finish eating them.Then went friday prayers.sorry genghao couldn't accompany you for the scrapbook thing.had to do what i had to -.- saw a lot of familiar faces.saw hazmi,my classmate in religious class.weather was terribly.raining heavily.seriously hate it,so cold.

met genghao after that.Kbox outing for LT's birthday.Fun,sang alot of songs.Some chinese songs my friends sang were nice.I am now in search of nice malay songs -.- sang until my voice sounds different now.sang daughtry,backstreet boys,westlife,kelly clarkson,jordin sparks,one republic,boys like girls,lady gaga,katy perry,sean kingston and more.anyway there's this bowl of tidbits that costs $7.but can refill.read jasper's blog for more info -.- so chaotic.took bus and mrt with LT.her scrapbook is so nice ): waited at tmall first then went home with christon.sent him off to condo.then i went home.purposely to kill time.

saturday-had tuition at 2pm.had a terrible running nose.unglam moments with tissue paper.after tuition,went to photocopy some chem tys with cherie,cynthia,junjie.went mac.played with junjie's milestone.i lost to cherie-.- reached home.got ready for tapestry 2010! met genghao,huijie and gracie in the mrt.i made the 'whole world' wait for me,hahz. Overall,it's quite a good concert. CO was great :) Saw familiar faces too.Saw Mr Lee sze lin,lower sec form teacher,lucky he recognised me.saw someone again but he didn't say hi at all to me,or even look in the face.ok after the concert,we had to wait for a long time.amelia was super retarded,right genghao? went to take mrt home with a big group of people.the mrt was super crowded i can't stand it.somemore it was like almost 11pm.take away mac at tamp mall.i finally ate fast food.home at 11.30pm. fasting month starts 11 august.Yay must do more good deeds,must be more patient,must pray more,must study for prelims,must be so busy,YAH.bad timing.hari raya around exams period.english oral starts next friday.wake up and buck up rashid,stop slacking like some oink.my english damn hopeless now.failed an easy compre somemore.that reminds me bio spa tmr,oh die.and what am i doing here? blogging.marvelous -.- today Liting made me laugh in lab -.- omg she damn lame.but the most lame is pawandip. random.bye.time to bathe,pray,dinner and mug time. ok nerd. oh ya forgot to wish LT happy birthday here. Anyway Happy Belated Birthday~!

2010-07-28T22:14:00.005+08:00

Tiring day.I'm so dead beat.School is such a pain,I don't want to talk about it,be it studies or anything.After school,went Genghao's house,but waited him downstairs for him to change.Basically,I accompanied him to do his shopping for clothes.We went Tampines 1,Bugis,Iluma(nostalgic),City Hall,Orchard Road and lastly,Simei.Rode the MRT,packed during night time.It's so fun to be outdoors.My heart almost stopped beating when I found out the price of two shirts,costing $105 and $210.Plus,one is a simple tee and another being collared tee.

i saw pretty nice clothes and jackets. i wish i could just fit in them.my size and weight is really getting the best of me.i'm so effed up about it.such a pain nobody knows. I laughed at Borders in Wheelock Place.Omgosh.And also at some topshop store.i laughed so loudly.unglam.Ion orchard looks nice at night.went alot of shops namely,Nike,Adidas,Topshop,Pull& Bear,Uniqlo and more.I want to buy shoes from Nike/Adidas but they're so expensive.went dinner at simei banquet afterwards. took bus 28 back home from tamp interchange,30 min ride lol. on the way back home,saw someone.not the same anymore.today perhaps is the last fun day for me this week.thursday will suck.friday dont know if i'll have fun.most prolly it sucks.i'll rot. saturday worse.got tuition(argh) but no religious class.sunday worse.

this morning,when i woke up for school,or haven't wake up yet,something terrible happened in the house.felt depressed.prefer not to say it out.it affected my mood for the rest of the school day. i really should go find myself malay friends outside.those good ones of course.anyway,i still can't get over the fact what some ppl said. i'll never be the same if we ever meet again. i'm still thinking about what happened at Borders and it made me smile,funny -.- ok goodnight. hope i survive tmr.

2010-07-27T21:01:00.006+08:00

Just finished watching The Noose. It's funny. I like the maid Leticia.She has this funny accent.Geylang World Resorts was lame.And to decrease divorces,the way is to decrease marriages,huh? What an ineffective solution.Suhaimi funny.jojo joget lol. Went for a short jog around my neighbourhood just now although I was fasting.Now my thighs hurt again. This morning,I rode a bus.Saw someone.Talked to someone.But somehow,it doesn't feel like the same anymore.I mean after what happened long ago.There was this moment of silence. That aside,I laughed alot in class.Pawandip,Christon was lame,Chen Hua had horns as usual,Yiren often laughed as usual.Geng Hao and his 'mean' stuff hah. Played Yee Ting's iPhone game with Pawan,LT and Yeeting. Realised I am a noob,but I'm new to the game. Chem SPA Assessment.Don't know if I did okay. EL oral session was okay but felt lethargic already.

Thinking of things I want to have and be in,but can't find the light to that opportunity. Still going to pray for it no matter what.

I always have this constant fear of being lonely. It's like a phobia. I don't know. I can't really say I look forward to weekends because I fear of being lonely.Majority are busy with their frequent weekend stuff and I feel like I'm living in another world.I really have a weird mindset,but I'm really frightened. Just my random thoughts la. Don't want to say anymore. Goodnight :) Setiap kali aku cuba untuk memahami asal sebab mengapa dia kadang-kala menghindari dirinya daripadaku,aku gagal dalam mencari jawapannya. Adakah aku ini tidak cukup bagus ? Aku merasakan seperti aku telah membuat berbagai pengorbanan untuk mengeratkan lagi tali-tali itu.Tetapi mengapakah aku berperasaan seperti ini? /// Adakah ini takdir? Mengapa aku begini? Aku tidak memilih untuk menjadi sebegini.Mengapa hidupku seperti ini?

2010-07-27T00:24:00.004+08:00

Both songs remind me of someone. Used to be friends.or maybe we are.or maybe we aren't anymore.I don't know.Shouldn't have done what I wasn't supposed to.Nevermind,move on.Goodnight.Was okay today.Laughed alot.

2010-07-25T23:54:00.007+08:00

Nice malay songs.(Y) I like Hady Mirza's one the best. Had weird dreams yesterday.I even had 5 of them cause' I woke up from the dream during sleep and kept seeing the time.Thought it moved very slow.Really bizarre dreams.Don't want to mention about it.Woke up at 12pm plus.I was fasting lol.Anyway,went to study with Yi Ren at Simei's Burger King.Initially I went to check Teadot but apparently,it's a Sunday and so the malls are noisy and there weren't vacant seats.Since Geng Hao was studying at Tampines Library,I asked him along.Took MRT together.Lol,had quite a good laugh at times at BK.Shortly,GH left.Was abit depressed over some stuff.Don't want to talk about it.But it's ok already.Suddenly,Cherie came over.She went Popular with her brother and intended to eat at BK then she apparently saw us,so chatted abit lol. went to eat dinner with yiren at banquet.yiren go drop milo inside my soup.but then still taste the same. the rice is yummy and the black pepper sauce woo. wanted to walk back from simei to my house with yiren but he insisted cuz too far._. its not even far lol. went bedok mrt with yiren.mrt train rides (Y) took bus 18,home. reminiscent hah. tired already,goodnight.

Ku tetapkan menunggumu...

2010-07-24T23:29:00.015+08:00

Nice melody. Friday.I don't like PE lessons anymore,they're very boring.I ratherplay captain's ball...Like last time,with classmates of course.Egeog lesson,I was reading The Kite Runner book.Only at the tenth chapter now.Nice story so far.I hope to complete reading it a.s.a.p but there's alot of school work to do and stuffs like that.Physics Mock SPA next.Didn't really understand the experiment. but my diagram and the way how Mr Tan do,is like similar to mine,hmmm.recess.ate omelette rice.kinda bored of canteen food now :x Chemistry lesson.Ms Gan went through Chem Mock SPA,got only a 2 which is a just pass.And the real SPA Skill 3 is a mere 2 days away.Oh no.Must start preparing already. Went prayers afterwards.I came later to the mosque than usual.Cause' I wanted to wait for Geng Hao and the group to walk together then the bus came so late lol. Luckily got space.Felt better after that. Walked and met the rest at Century Square's Food Culture.Saw Amirah and Farhana. Ate the Chicken Cutlet Rice,quite sumptuous.Oh ya,thanks Chris for carrying my bag from school all the way to CS lol. Also,thanks Genghao for carrying my bag from CS to NTUC.haha. Went to buy popcorn with Chris.walked very fast.so the people who went to catch Inception are kristine,liting,janet,huije,cherie,jasper,christon,genghao.It was a cool,but a mind-blogging movie.I couldn't understand most part of the movie but all I could tell was that it was a dream with a dream that is within a dream of another dream of another dream.ok confusing.Leonardo Dicaprio is cool in the movie.Acting is cool,i like. After movie,went home.Saw Yuyun,Gandhi lol.surprising.they were waiting for bus.She was like tapping me or smth then im like who tap me sia.anyway i went to sleep after the movie.after that,i felt as if i was in a dream.everything seemed so surreal at that precise moment.I didn't really watch the S.League match this time around,it was pretty boring.But Sengkang Punggol won Balestier Khalsa FC BY 1-0. Not a really nice match.Prefer the last week's one. Anyway,I went to meet Yi Ren at around 11pm plus near my house after his cell group. Chatted alot,did alot of thinking.Thanks Yi Ren for the advice,appreciated them :) Luckily he got a bus ride on 17 past midnight and that's when me and him came to the bus stop.Slept at 1.30am,tired. Saturday.Woke up at around 8am.Went religious class alone by bus.10 mins to Safra,then 10 mins waiting for bus number 15.then 30-40 mins ride to Parkway Parade area. The bus ride was very long and at times,packed.Tiring but I like,for some reason.Went past by Bedok,the neighbourhood I used to live in.Nostalgic,but didn't pass by my primary school.Memories in replay. class was okay,learnt arabic and stuff.should have sat at the back of the class but no seat.if I seat infront,i would be very bored,confirmed ._. luckily my teacher knows how to do alot of storytelling. went Parkway Parade,Borders.I stumbled upon a very nice collection of books that varied in genres such as crime,thriller,inspirational and those autobiography ones. I browsed through the ones on Liverpool,Gerrard and Torres.Torres look like he can be one of those Backstreet boys last time,very cool image.That aside.I found a nice phrase in one of the other books.'Keep a positive vision,see yourself accomplishing your goals and fulfilling your destiny'. Very nice.Met Christon after his tuition,bought red tea and chicken pau.went home together.then when he alighting bus,he dropped his wallet and coins.paiseh. reached home.used come abit.then went jogging with Junwen around simei area.He's a very encouraging friend I must say.He pushed me during the jog and made me suffer :x Thanks for belanja-ing me plain mineral water $0.60 -.- I didn't know the path near my tampines area is linked to simei sia. On the way to Eastpoint Banquet,we chatted alot about other people,some physique stuff,Npcc and and sports. I didn't eat ok,i drank only lol. then i said thanks to him then he say nvm nvm lose weight can already -.- he is my lose weight buddy,according to him. then i went to take mrt.ok this is the most retard part.i went to take rides on the East West line,North South line and back to Tampines.Thinking of alot of stuff.but mostly,i was tired and sleepy.there was one part where both MRTs were moving very fast then I felt like it was from a scene of a movie.Like some dream.Why so surreaal everytime? I saw different kinds of people,the sophisticated ones,the piercing ones,the playful ones. Oh ya,got this little boy playing around then his leg stuck in between the handrail. then him and his family can still like laugh.retard.like me,retard go take mrt.but i like long mrt train rides. then i go tampines to tap my card,then cannot -.- then the staff person say i take rides that were too long then $2 got cut off from my ez-link.wow epic -.- reached home at 10pm. incredible tales,watch before,no feeling. thanks kristine for updating me the match between Liverpool and some German team.sadly Liv lost by 1-0 :( nvm,all the way,i know they can. anyway,i'm glad i have cleared some stuff with someone.i feel so much better.gosh so late,bye.

2010-07-22T22:48:00.009+08:00

I haven't been blogging consistently ever since Sunday.I'm either busy struggling through the sea currents of life or having to give a portion of my attention,or often largely,to the school workload and all the buzz of life.More importantly,it isn't really worth it to blog about the mundane life I lead currently. I know this may sound weird but I'll talk about Sunday.Well,basically,I set aside some time to have a studying session with Gracie and Atika at Changi Airport.It was an impromptu decision but it worked out in the end.Basically,I did A.Maths and E.Maths stuff.Afterwards,I went over to the foodcourt with them to break my fast,cause'I was fasting,due to some reason.Ate the Fried Rice and had drinks.Then,I had meaningful chats with them to pour out my worries about certain problems.They expressed their thoughts and feelings too.I guess we all have something to learn from.Went home by bus 34 with them.I will remember that bus ride.Some stuff.Reached home at around 11.15pm (Y). On Tuesday,I went library to study with KokLiTing,Chris,Kris,GengBoy,Junjee at Tampines Library.But before that,they had O'level Chinese LC,so me,KLT,Chris went lunch at MacDonalds first but i was fasting that day.Joked about someone.I really shouldn't say about others when I'm not even good,in the first place.I thought about it for some time after someone said that to me.Anyway,Chris laughed for about 15-20mins in the library.I don't know what's so funny about my facial expressions when I tried to imitate someone's face.Even LT and Kristine laughed. AAA. Wednesday.Thanks Yiren for walking me back home,sorry to cause much trouble. This week's been full of tests.I don't know if I will do well.Don't think I will.But I am back to studying mode already,after one month of slacking and watching soccer.Now I don't have anyone to update me with soccer news unless I go check out some sites or I heard it from Pawandip about it.He asked me this particular question before.I wanted to say Yes but I just said Think so. Tomorrow's Friday.Glad there's no school after Friday but there's a con to it.The lonely feeling.Nehmind,it's common. I want to sign up for guitar.I need to resolve one of my problems.I need a breakthrough in life.I need opportunities to be able to mingle well around with people.I need to get over it.I need to cherish more.I need to knock my head for being silly.Most importantly,people say it's best to be yourself but what if you don't like the shoes you're in? It's such a disgrace,a shame.I'm okay,for now.I'm okay.I am.No emo. Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of the release of Jordin Spark's sophomore album Battlefield! She rocks :))

2010-07-19T21:17:00.003+08:00

2010-07-18T15:19:00.005+08:00

I dug out some old pictures but can't help to laugh at them -.- Well,a few actually. i look like shit last time i look like shit last time.

pawandip and his usual 'antics'like some bollywood film those were the sec 2 days.fun but lame.and i look like shit.honestly. boring sunday.completed alot of my hw. pissed with someone. off to airport. bye.

2010-07-17T23:10:00.006+08:00

I turned in quite early yesterday.Woke up at 8.30am today.it was raining heavily even at around 5am.it was kinda cold.and i thought of floods.guess what? flash floods occurred in singapore today -.- my aunty,uncle,cousins fetched me for religious class.got a ride on the van there.religious class was good,creepy,emotional,everything.laughed like crazy too.i hate the feeling of death.argh.i like my religious teacher,she's very good :) after that,my relatives sent me to Parkway Parade,quite near.alone.changed my uniform lol.roamed around the mall.i wanted to go to Borders but it's closed due to unforeseen circumstances which I don't know what they are.My plan of browsing through books there,failed.So continued roaming around and waited at MacDonalds for almost an hour. Met Christon after his tuition to have lunch together at Banquet.Ate Fried Hor Fun while he had some Korean Cuisine food.The ice milk tea there is so expensive considering the size of the cup.Chatted alot of stuffs on the bus rides to and away from Bedok Int.,although there were quite a number of quiet moments but I think I'm ok with that.Saw seokpheng at the interchange there,surprising.thanks Christon for the lunch! :) i did some running today.my legs are aching like mad.it's the worst one i had yet in weeks.i even had to limp my way back home and around the house.the pain is indescribable. i just described it as indescribable.ok lame. so pain until can come out tears.my stamina and legs are so weak. did the bio worksheet today.finishing already. yay heredity. watched incredible tales.watched the episode before.no feeling at all -.- ghost whisperer then. but didn't really understand. so many things to watch.eclipse,inception.heard it has high ratings,inception i meant. i don't even have time to read my Twilight book now.And Genghao has yet to lend me his Kite Runner book.roar. aunt at home.GREAT.can't the house just have another room so that i can have a room to sleep in whenever she comes? It's so infuriating,having to shift my stuff to the living room,be it my laptop or my school work.And my comfy bed,i miss it.ugh.And I really can never forget some of the things she did in the past.She threw a cup of Milo at my face when she scolded me in my early years.What authority does she have to do that? An aunt has it? She always lectured me and I really got sick and tired of having to take it all in when I was young.Now that I'm a teenager,I have some control over my life for once.i don't get my maternal side.they always have this family quarrel going on and i get dragged along.now it's just another separated family.it's been years since i last met them.almost 7 years. i'm glad i still got my paternal side. told someone my problem,was hoping to get a solution and help.but instead,it's left dangling. but listening religious songs,especially the english versions,help me feel better. goodnight.

2010-07-16T23:03:00.005+08:00

Just finished completing the school online surveys on asknlearn.Seven of them.Tiring.So...it's Friday the 16th.PE lesson;retest for 2.4km run.Ran only 2 rounds,1.6km.Very disappointed,but I did my math and I think I improved.Sweated alot.I really wanna lose my weight alot alot,you don't even know how badly i want this.For once,i want a double digit weight back.I just wanted to run today,as a form of exercise.It rained today after a long row of hot weather.Lol.Lunch.Then Tampines Library.a great group study session with liting,kristine,christon,genghao,jasper,yiren.Amaths overload,completed my amaths plane geometry ws,physics latest ws,amaths prelim prss paper 1,bgss paper 1(almost). still got alot more,emaths ws,bio ws.watched s.league match today,well soccer.home united won saffc,5-2. quite a nice match.a malay player named ishak scored a hat-trick. nice. i think i might want to buy the mio channel for soccer matches so i can watch the liverpool,arsenal,man utd blabla ones. i got plans after O's.Exercise frequently! sign up for guitar class.oh wait,that i might have to do in the weeks to come.must ask my parents if they allow.it's time i pick up learning an instrument.music rocks. tmr's saturday. don't like the morning religious class.feel like going alone and back home alone tmr. everything's going in a fast pace,i need a break.my eyes are like half-closed now.sleepy.goodnight if you're reading this now on friday night.ok bye,i love my friends.

guilt overcame me. i still haven't say it out.i'm dead meat.this time,it's a real problem. i must solve it by hook or by crook.if i don't initiate and help myself,the problem will stay long with me.

2010-07-14T22:05:00.004+08:00

Those pictures were taken yesterday.I love the Jabulani ball ones and the four-box pictures,they're nice.I went Tampines 1 after school to purchase Kristine's birthday gift with Li Ting,Geng Hao and Christon.We went the Adidas shop and interestingly stumbled upon a miniature Jabulani ball that had Liverpool FC on it.It's so nice;me and Christon wanted it for ourselves too I guess.Shared the cost with Geng Hao & Christon.Then,we went Teadot to study and do homework.I feel that studying in groups at malls is not stressful.I managed to complete two Biology worksheets related to the chapter on 'Heredity'.It was quite a tough feat for me but nevertheless,I completed them.Started to take random pictures and laughed at the creepy jazzy music there.Reached home late. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTINE! Good luck for your O's and future endeavours in life :) Hope you like the present we gave you haha.Celebrated her birthday during recess.The cake was nice.emaths lesson.test;could have gotten full marks sigh.watched a class video.got two unglam pics of me -.- ah nice memories ): Anyway,EL Lesson,my group wrote a speech concerning Spain's world cup win.Me and Pawandip were like world cup when thinking of what topic to choose and write on.Mdm Yanti looks pissed with Pawandip and yiren's laughters -.- went lunch at tmart with kristine,christon,yiren afterwards. the food there isn't nice. then,ch and yr wanted to go my house but my mum and aunt at home.sorry. sian, i can't sleep in my own room today.i have to slp in living room.walao damn pissed whenever she come. reached home.sleep.rushed for tuition.boring,did alot of physics and chemistry tys qns.quite okay. i was daydreaming alot before,during and after tuition.felt like i was in a daze,like idk what is going on around me when clearly everything's moving. sigh. watched entertainment on 5.saw tabitha nauser perform,she sang the acoustic version of yog theme song.very nice :) watching glee now.advertisement. their version of bon jovi's its my life and halo nice. walao that woman bitchy towards that emma woman la.then the will guy and emma turned their backs on each other when they are in love.very sian to be in that situation ): i got so many movies i wanna watch ; toy story 3,eclipse,uh this horror film that's coming out soon and duno what else.sian i want exercise but all days not free.i got this feeling,the desire to play soccer but idk play with who la so sian.never really got the company when it comes to this.i also not even good at it.i might as well forget about impossible things that i can't do. ok glee ended.walao got what co-director for glee club.sure fail.shyt im rushing.my mom and aunt wanna slp in my room.bloody sian. i miss my comfy bed.ugh wtheck.feeling so upset and now pissed.oh ya fasting month in august.excited but also sad. can't eat lunches with friends.but i'm going to pray really really hard when it comes. ok bye.

with each day,it gets more and more complicated.envious? problematic issues? why can't i just open my mouth and say? i'm just so afraid...so afraid to even tell anyone.

2010-07-12T19:20:00.006+08:00

Lights off by Jay Sean.Emo song. La Furia Roja! SPAINNN won the world cup 2010! The match was epic.Around 14 yellow cards and even one red card.A lot of fouls by the Oranje,they play so rough lol.And I only turned in at 11.30pm followed by at 5.30am.The stadium looks so nice during the celebration part.Anyway,I wasn't late for school today.Thanks to Kristine for waking me up :) Anw,thanks Christon & Kristine for introducing me to soccer stuff,their players and all throughout the world cup. I don't know what else to blog about.School's not worth blogging about.Bio extra lesson was funny to the max,cuz genghao made me laugh or something.i can solve radioactive qn lol. lunch with junjie,cherie,kristine,christon,yiren at rasa 21 whereas winifred,genghao,janet and jasper ate at 201 foodcourt. i hate passion ice blended drink. i will never ever drink it again. and stupid bus driver ._. ok bye.

was it always like that in the past? wishing for something that's impossible.

2010-07-11T20:37:00.004+08:00

Soccer first... 11 June - 11 July. One month of World Cup.One Month of 63 matches.One Month of changes in me.A lot has changed.Going to miss WC but I guess I have to bid goodbye.Nostalgic,i watched almost every match. 2.30am match later.Spain will win! I hope Paul the Octopus's final prediction is right.But if Holland win,I don't mind.At least Spain made it.Germany won Uruguay yesterday,3-2.Interesting match.Forlan almost scored a goal in the last few seconds of the game during the free kick,but sadly,no.I was reading my Twilight book at some point of the matches,then goal. Anyway,I cried terribly today.The most and worst one in the last few weeks and months.I swear my eyes were darn red after one hour plus of crying.Don't ask me why I cried.I guess I bottled it up too much till it has reached its final capacity.Thanks to someone. Swimming next... Went swimming at Tampines Swimming Complex.A lot of ppl there,duh weekends.Swam at the deep pool.Been' a long time since I went swimming.Swam 34 laps with breast stroke and abit of front crawl.Took me about an hour and 30 mins. Very slow but good for someone who hasn't swam for a long time.Went to buy dinner,home.My nose now runs like a hose.wow it rhymes.all the water and chlorine fault la.god knows what else is inside the water.grr.the toilet worse,flooded.then got some kids singing 'lalalala' in the toilet. i was like shut up -.- Not looking forward to school tomorrow.My primary school friend who's apparently in RI gets a school day off because of the World Cup finals tomorrow.So unfair.I hope I'm not late for school tomorrow.Later Mrs Wee scold again,then I sian.Omg reading period,assembly,bio xtra lesson tmr,argh die.

I have a week left to say it out. My days are numbered.where are you when i needed you? can you don't leave me here on my own?

2010-07-10T23:50:00.005+08:00

Sigh.Saturdays are just those typical days.Morning,religious class.Talked to some malay boys about school and stuff.Teacher didn't come,a relief teacher came.Learning Arabic is tough.Learnt some stuff.Suddenly felt a feeling I never thought I would feel...very weird.Went home.Weather was scorching hot.But it's okay,i like.Reached home.Mum went out.Dad went to work.So i was alone...for the whole day that is.Listened to some emo songs.Wanted to write down about what I feel onto a piece of paper like lyrics of a song or smth but lazy.searched abit about Liverpool on the internet. then i went to sleep for like one hour.after i woke up,i got this feeling. i hate it. i felt like i was in some other place,lifeless and alone,with no one to talk to.that continued till night time. tried to occupy myself with stuff so i won't think too much.watched incredible tales,watch that episode before alr.wasn't even scary.then read twilight book.only at the 3rd chapter.going to continue reading after this.i feel so lonely.i needed to talk to people on the phone.but i don't know where everyone went.they are busy with their own typical affairs outside i guess. i guess the feeling of having to fend for myself at home today pretty much sucked but it taught me how to be independent at the very least. wow i wasn't surprised that my help didn't do an impact. nvm,at least i did something. gonna lie on bed and read my book now,in a silent house in this silent night on this silent island called Singapore on a silent earth in a silent galaxy in a silent world. What Isabella Swan felt in the story was exactly like how I felt,except that our minds are different.how can i ever put an end to these feelings of mine? some day i wished i would become numb to all the feelings and others' actions,so that i won't have a reason to whine about.

2010-07-09T23:01:00.011+08:00

PE lesson.Ran 800m in total with 200m 4 times. Sort of like pacing.kena do push-ups twice.sian. very embarrassing. someone said something hurtful.egeog lesson.don't understand why i obtain little marks.physics lesson.magnetism.boring.recess.boring.chem lesson.pissed with the experiment.abit dejected.friday prayers.kept thinking about emo stuff,felt like crying.saw some malay boys from our sch.went back school take my stuff.then went to eat lunch with genghao,jasper,huijie and huiyi. then later went to pasir ris interchange macdonalds to do homework with yuyun,yiting and the names above.did amaths paper 1 and few qns of paper 2.read abit of physics tb.group study wasn't bad.felt abit tired.took mrt to tampines interchange.reached around 6.40pm there.went popular to buy some pens.then went to bookstore to look at some storybooks.went some random gift shops blabla.waited at macdonalds there till about 7.45pm before meeting up with parents.wanted to change singtel plan to student plan but...nevermind.went century square's food culture to eat.didn't talk much. very akward. walked home to my house using the dark and deserted route.quite creepy.gives me tingles. feel like sleeping.bye.

All the thoughts lead back to you Back to what was never said Back and forth inside my head I can't handle this confusion I'm unable; come and take me away.

2010-07-07T18:59:00.015+08:00

I hate my lumps of fats.Even people joked about it.It made me feel pathetic. Watched the Uruguay Vs. Netherlands match last night. Some of the goals were nice. Sorry Kristine for exceeding ur sms usage -.- Thanks for accompanying me during matches by smsing hah :) I tried whatever I could,but somehow,I feel like someone don't appreciate it. At times,I'm confused. Please. Tell me the truth. Feeling troubled.

2010-07-06T21:58:00.003+08:00

i was so pissed with my Mum today. don't know why she has to scold and nag at me. i accidentally dropped sambal on the dining table and then it looks messy and all over the place. I realised my mistake and wiped it off.But then she continued to nag and say 'You can't even do things properly,you are like some kid,drop sambal lah here and there'.I was so frustrated so I said it wasn't on purpose. But still,continued to get scolded.So I just wanted to go into the room to eat my dinner and close the door nicely.But the wind made it bang. Then she shouted at me and said like 'better for me to leave the house blah blah'.Then I cried.I'm so weak. But nvm this is common. This is just one stupid 'setback' and I'm not going to let my feelings get all astray. If I aim to be happy,I know I will,just like today.

2010-07-06T19:13:00.005+08:00

Today's morning was so dumb. I shouldn't have taken bus 28.If not I would have been early. Plus I heard there's a buzz that someone brought a vuvuzela to school and blew it during assembly. Me and Janet got scolded by someone for being late.I was so pissed off until I told alot people.But I was VERY PISSED.Early in the morning get smacked right in the face with some harsh words and moody expressions.Then in the end sit outside MPH for reading period-.- I don't get the Fleming Left-Hand Rule in Physics.And I don't like Plane Geometry.Anybody who likes it, must be a retard -.- Like who cares about Alternate Segment Theorem?! I was abit pissed with Pawandip today.So irritating la.Just because i can't name midfielders,defenders and attackers of a particular team,he go mock me.Must do research already,then prove him wrong.argh. Luckily right after Physics lesson,my mood took for a turn. Suddenly was laughing with Liting,Christon,Yiren over stuff in class,like what lumps equation or something. Lunch at Rasa 21 with Junjie,Genghao,LT,Chris,yiren.Talked alot,laugh laugh. Went back school library with lt,yr,ch to do abit hw. walked home. i was normal most of the time today.don't know why but thank you. world cup tonight,holland vs. uruguay. homeworks to do. Bye.

2010-07-05T21:45:00.007+08:00

I'll make this post snappy. I played badminton today with Gracie and Atika.Sp brought some of her male friends along,the usual Jia Hao lol.It was tiring.I had blisters on my feet (again).Playing alone against Gracie & Atika,can die.I have to run from one angle to the other to hit the shuttlecock.Seriously tiring.Then have to jump also lol. But it's worth it. I have to improve on hitting the shuttlecock when it's near the net,it's abit hard to suddenly move forward and hit it. But I think I pretty much won against them? hehe -.- Then went to get some snacks and went tamp mall and tm1. Got some Hokkaido fair there. o.O of course didn't buy the food la. anyway,i always forget to talk about World Cup matches these days.can't be bothered lol.anyway I was happy Germany thrashed Argentina 4-0. and I support Spain but Spain has to fight against Germany in the semi finals.What is this?! i'm going to miss world cup badly when it ends,i'm in wc fever =) Oh ya i just want to add another point.There's nothing wrong with being an imposter soccer fan.World Cup is for everyone to watch,isn't that what FIFA aims to do? so means people have to memorise all the identities of players in order to watch world cup is it? Just felt abit sensitive with people saying that being an imposter soccer fan seems wrong. should get back to studying Globalisation. )': Oh ya it's Youth Day today. Youth= Badminton o.O school tomorrow,damn. starting to get immune to something.with time.

2010-07-04T20:30:00.007+08:00

My Spain Jersey (fake)

I went cycling today with Jasper & Geng Hao at Pasir Ris Park. It was an impromptu decision but I enjoyed myself.Thanks to Genghao's family for letting me have a ride on their car :) Oh haha Jasper was funny today.We 'bullied' him,well not me,it's just genghao muaha. Chatted with them awhile over depressing and funny stuff. Genghao's mother is very funny. I can laugh -.-' Time to study,really. 3 months left to O' Levels.I decided to aim for Temasek JC. Don't want to think about how well I do.I really need to do well for my Higher Malay. Anyway,I love it when I exercise and study on the same day.It's ideal for me. Okay bye :] i like my blog songs. Absence makes the hearty grow fonder.

2010-07-03T21:47:00.001+08:00

Lol i forgot to post this song before -.- i will rmb this song forever heh.the first world cup i watched -.-

2010-07-03T20:05:00.010+08:00

I made a rather impromptu decision to move back to Blogger,from Tumblr. Don't know why,I feel like it. You can still read my old posts there anyway. Saturdays-personal lonely days where I spend time alone in the house usually. Sian la.Today happened to rain,then i didn't turn on the lights,so my house appear very dark and emo.then i lie on bed,then i cry and threw my bolster a metre away -.- anyway,i am jealous that people like Genghao & Liting's family are bonded,happy go lucky and everything's fine.I saw Genghao's family before.They were friendly and cheerful,can make me laugh too. Liting's family like always spend time together at home.quality time too. mine? father goes to work from 4pm to 12am and at times till 4am. and then work again from 5am or so till about 10am. my mum? always with aunty. i think she loves my aunty more than me. they don't even make me laugh anymore. why am i so fat? if i had known,i wouldn't have eaten so much when i was younger. I didn't even know I was eating alot COMPLETELY when i was young. being fat sucks.especially in PE lessons. I have people thinking I'm so incapable in sports because of my physique.Let alone me even touching the ball in a game. because of my physique,it hindered me from getting the best things. i rather be thin as Genghao or as Janet,i like,or being fit like Christon also can already. i remembered when I was in primary school,there are always people who insult me.For example,fatty bom bom cannot go home bla bla. then my name rashid right,then got ppl say ra...SHITTT. wth. suddenly i remembered i played soccer before at primary school,as a goalkeeper on that big green field -.- then i also remembered my clique had a real physical fight and i was like just standing there lol. then one time go back home from Bedok reservoir,took bus 8 then slept until reach tampines interchange. paiseh. lol alot of memories there.didn't even return back to that sch.sian. alone and emo at home.no food to eat. must cook myself.sian. my life's in a mess right now. keep emoing,never focus on studies,never spend time wisely. i find it sucky when my friends laugh in class then i am sad.then i get very pissed and irritated by the laughters like vuvuzelas or some bells ringing in my ears.gawd.i felt left out ok? what else i want to talk about? oh. i miss conference calls )': smses.chatted with kristine. didn't know she felt that way before. Anyway yesterday evening till night was fun. I reached home at 9.30pm from school,woo! love my squadmates.shall talk a little abt the usuals last night.junwen is friendly and supportive of me.he like to touch my stomach everytime without fail -.- pawan-always hyper,make lame jokes -.- shiyong and vernon-cool dudes! heh. sumardi,amirah,farhana-my malay frens :D xunfang-never fail to scold us but she is funny and hyper too haha.if i didn't mention the others,i still like them because they're unique in every way. anyway,didn't really focus on soccer matches last night. omg i can't stand it,i want to talk to him and her but then...aiya forget it lol. do what tomorrow?sigh. if never rain,i might be going jogging. hmm.to tell or to bottle it up? if i tell,it will worsen. bye.

2010-01-31T20:18:00.006+08:00

Officially moved to Tumblr. & Liting also made a new Tumblr blog.Copy me.First say ugly,then in the end,make one -__- Bye blogger for don't know how long because I am tired of blogger. www.rantz-all-you-want.tumblr.com

2010-01-29T00:04:00.001+08:00

have a little faith. -was late for school today. -gotten a lousy score for physics mock spa. -feel demoralised by a lot of things. -don't feel like going for cca tmr and saturday.

2010-01-25T20:20:00.006+08:00

School has been tiring for me. Anyway,on Saturday,I had my usual religious class.When I entered the class,I was so stunned by the amount of people in it.I was thinking to myself "Am i in the right class?".Gosh last year session had only around 8 people and now it's like 23 people ._. Anyway the teacher like to talk more English than Malay.So weird to have religious class conversed in English at times ._. I don't want to take SPA assessments.If I ever screw the real one,I probably will ignore anyone talking to me after the assessment, go home,lock myself up in the room and cry non-stop .2010=tough year academically wise < /3 Anyway I find Binomial Theorem so cool when I actually understood how to do the questions,felt relieved.Anyway,had Amaths lesson on Differentiation,like very cool but confusing ._. I regret taking Bio,should have taken POA... whatever,don't want think about how well i'll do for o's and all these.just go through it. and that Pawandip is totally dissing me and my HML. i dislike him for doing that. anyway thanks genghao for the billabong wallet present you gave me,love it,gonna use it tmr (: &today tried to take jump shots with christon,genghao,yiren.Pure FAIL.

Day 2 of 4R1 OLE 2010.

2010-01-22T22:16:00.009+08:00

ingredients! (credits to gh)

in the bus (credits to gh)

testing the different herbs and spices.

4R1's OLE 2010 = awesome.

Day 1 of 4R1 OLE 2010 .

2010-01-21T21:20:00.008+08:00

thanks to siying for pics above.

our slanted heart shape.

Christon,Pawandip,Me & Edenuis,Kristine,Liting & Mrs Wee

4R1-ians listening to the instructor talk about an edible fruit/leaf.

JJ,Yiren,me & Mrs Wee.

Junjie,Yiren & Me.

Us climbing the killer stairs. (I panted heavily -_-)

The Fort Gate.

Liting posing for a shot near a plant.

The piper species plants that we planted :)

Map Of Fort Canning Park

Today is so exhausting but exhilarating & FANTASTIC. Today marked the school's OLE (Outdoor Learning Experience). My class had planned to visit the Fort Caning Park over the two-day event. Boarded the hired bus and sat with Liting.Chatted alot although we felt outcast. Firstly, we had some introduction talk by the instructors there which includes Amira's mother who works there. Following that,we were allocated into separate groups for propagation.My group had to plant a certain species of a piper plant.Firstly,we had to use rakes to loosen the soil. The boys did the loosening and planting firstly while the girls did the cutting.Later on,we exchanged roles and ended up doing both in the end.Mrs Wee joined our group and she did some planting too. I took few videos and group shots too. Took the bus back after a debrief.Went for lunch at MacDonalds with 4R1-ians.Then, we hang around the outdoor amphitheater and did a lot of ridiculous stuff.Changed to school uniform and went for Mr Tan's interviewing session kind of thing with others.Used laptops and had a mass conversation on MSN with the others there while Mr Tan was being interviewed.Very hilarious sia. Went for drinks with Raudhah,Amira,Christon,Genghao after it was over. I think our class's OLE is unique compared to the others classes'.I am lethargic ): I probably should practise sleeping early habits. anyway finished reading a malay story today.the storyline was creepy and interesting.i probably should learn in greater detail on how to create such twist & turns in my malay compositions. 11/1/2010.

2010-01-20T20:18:00.004+08:00

Today I screwed my Physics Mock SPA,totally.Got really upset although it's just a mock spa. after that,people were so engrossed in discussing about gradients and y-intercept. FML. During class, my "friend" Pawandip said this to me, "So you continuing HMT? You confirm get grade C for your o'level hmt.People ask you to drop but you don't want right?". I am like if you are my friend,can you like give me more constructive criticism instead of dissing me.Excuse me,you are giving me the impression that you don't love your mouth either.And by the way,eff off.Just what kind of friend are you at that time? So infuriating! In the morning,helped carry Emath O'level books to hmt class first.Met Raudhah and the other girls along the way.Thanks Raudhah for helping me to carry half of the load :) I think Mrs Wee is kind,but when she is unhappy with my class,she really is.haha.had Emaths test,ok o.o Had tuition after school.I am so exhausted.So much homework. Tomorrow OLE. Fort Caning Park.Fun or not remains a question for now. I want to do more good deeds.I want to be a faithful Muslim & read Malay books everyday.One of my resolutions.

2010-01-18T22:56:00.003+08:00

Today was alright I guess.Amaths test was manageable.During recess,the guys and the girls brought brownie cupcakes for Farhana to celebrate her birthday early (: Anyway,today alot of epic things happened. After me,LT,yiren,genghao,junjie & christon had lunch, we stood outside the bubble tea shop.okay some of them were buying drinks.suddenly,a Chinese woman got drenched because water fell on her from the top of the bazaar-like tentage.super epic and a bit unlucky i must say.Anyway I've decided to continue HML.The only boy in HML class.It's very weird not to have Sumardi & Khalis making funny jokes.I better live up to the expectations of me.If not,I fight for this for nothing.Really. anyways pictures above,courtesy of Ckg Zakiah.i miss those days in the library.although i didn't get the A like i wanted to,it is still memorable.

2010-01-17T22:37:00.004+08:00

In the morning,I went to collect my Edusave Scholarship with my parents. Received a certificate and a cheque of $400.After that, went to have breakfast.Anyway,I got a new sofa & bed in my room.The sofa can be "transformed" into a bed. Haha cool. School tmr,boring. anyway i stumbled upon a a very motivational poem.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road your trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and its turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about When they might have won, had they stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow, You may succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up When he might have captured the victors cup; And he learned too late when the night came down, How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out The silver tint of the clouds of doubt And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when your hardest hit, It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit!

i am going to read this every single day to keep me going! ;)

NPCC Promo Test, KFC FOOD.

2010-01-16T13:29:00.006+08:00

Sorry justin,i crop it,you should know what i mean.

yiren & me ;D

the brownie cupcakes!

Today's NPCC promotion retest was great.From the looks of it,I passed (: I was able to answer most of the questions of the theory paper,apparently because it is the same paper which we taken last week -.-" Glad I studied for it. Next was campcraft.Sir Lup Peng took me and he was kind.I tied Sheepshank and Fisherman's Knot (which i learnt for almost an hour). Advanced knots; I tied Round & Two Half Hitches & Manharness. Felt so accomplished because I was able to tie and list its uses.Apparently,he gave me a chance for lashings,just tell him how to tie round lashing verbally.idk why.Next was M.O.I for drills. I find it ridiculous when i asked them 'is that the the loudest you can shout?' when i myself didn't really shout loudly. Ma'am Netti said that -.-" after that,was told to shout a command. i don't have a loud voice ): anyway saw atika in sch today.after that,went to eat KFC food near T Mart with Seokpheng,Jeryl,Justin & Bukhari. Yiren abandoned and went home,RAWR.i love eating kfc food with them lah and chit chat.so fun you know!! my weekends are so boring.I don't have the motivation drive to do Amaths further trigonometry questions,basically the whole chunk. My resolution for 2010 is to not complain,keep going all the way and be happy.But first 2 weeks spoiled my happiness.but nvm i will be happier soon.SOON.

2010-01-15T18:43:00.001+08:00

I WANT AN OUTING FOR MY BIRTHDAY. WHERE IS IT?! UNTIL NOW DON'T HAVE.RAWR.

2010-01-15T01:17:00.003+08:00

Busy days,busy week,in fact the most ridiculous and toughest yet.After Monday,I should stop posting emotional posts,they're demoralising ._. It's so anxious waiting for a SMS's reply.There's NPCC promotion retest on Saturday.Hope i pass this time but most importantly, I don't want to see WCI Netti! If not,she will make me feel moody all over. Although i may feel lonely during recess/lunch break because some people tend to abandon me, i am coping. i don't know if anyone even notice that. ok i'm super sensitive. BYE.